i dont know what exactly im writing this time. i know the subject i want to write about, i just dont have it planned out like i normally do. so sorry if you get lost in this madness.
ill start off with what i said id address. so im sure most of you know about the lip ring. DJ, our newest follower, you might wana read bout it 2 post ago i believe. well i dont want it for looks. honestly, i dont think i could pull it off. i'd have alot of fun tryin to, but that wouldent be my purpose. no, my purpose would be to test my mom. my mom, as much as i love her, has never been able to control me. she may think she can, but no, she cant. i am... well, manipulative. i make her think shes in control by slightly disobeying her, then pretending her threats scare me, and going along with what she says. little does she know, she has nothing over me.
last time i was punished, i got a time out. i wana say i was 6. well, atleast last time i was punished by my parents. i then "shaped up" until my parents divorce. i then started coming back out of my shell. i would i to take credit for that, but i cant. haha that was all puberty i guess, mixed with my sisters new found friendship.
i started drinking then, you guys know that story, then smoking cigars, then cigs, and now weed. they both know i drink. i left things out one night, but not making them obvious, to see if my mom could actually but 2 and 2 together. she did. i wanted to know what my punishment would be. it was a talking to. thats it.
she found a corona bottle under my bed. background info:i was gettin rid of my cans, while talking to my sis, and asked if she had anything i could through out for her. she said yeah, a corona bottle, i went, found it, through it out, and that was that. well, the next weekend, i was drinking, had a few coronas, then hid them under my bed. mom found them, and i said they were my sisters. my mom dosent care that my sister drinks cuz at that points, she was already in college. they talked, and somehow my mom never mentioned there were more than 1 bottle, so my sister to the fall for that one.
well point is, my mom cant punish me. she knows im home alone during the day. she knows my dad pays for my phone. even if she got my dad on her side, they know theyd be screwed if i dident have my phone cuz thats what they use to contact me. i payed for my own computer. if my mom kicks me out, i go live with my dad, and same vise versa. my mom ownes my car, but shed be screwed if i dident have that. i wouldent be able to get to school. shed have to drive me every day.
sorry this was a, well, admitably lame post. i guess talking about control will only create controversy. geez dont kill me in your comments guys haha im bad, but im not mean. i dont hurt other people. oh and dont even say im hurting my parents.
Peace!!!
And So It Goes (2014)
9 years ago
11 comments:
I shouldn't even comment on this one. All I can think of to say is that you have a real attitude problem. I feel sorry for your parents. You are just playing them against each other. I don't have the slightest idea of how to deal with this.
Brian, honestly, i wont get offended. i wouldent have posted this if i wasent so thick skinned. please tell me where my attitude went astray.
also, haha dont feel sorry for them. i dident put the cig in my moms found, or tell my dad to take the sleeping pills. they do that one there own. if your gona feel sorry for somone, feel sorry for me having to deal with that.
im not the reason my parents split up... wow i went from enraged to crying... thats how the one sentence makes me feel. plz, never suggest that again... never
How the hell am I supposed to comment on this, says a tired tman??? OMG!! WTF... so, you think that it's, what, some form of amusement to f*ck up your life to prove to your mom that you can do it, even if she objects?? Read that for me, would you, Peter??
The last time you were punished, you were 6?? WTF!! Well, no wonder you're confused... Well, so, your parents suck as parents... Established... OK, so what do you do with your life?? Spend it all, trying to prove that you can be a failure, just to throw it back in her face?? Wow!! Sorry, but I call that self destructive behavior... I'm sure that you can see why...
Listen, you're getting too old for this shit... plain and simple... you have to get a grip on things, and put the childish nonsense in the rear view mirror!! It's only hurting you!! Back and forth... hurt mom to hurt dad... one can't do anything because the other will do something...ARGGG!!! You will never be able to punish your parents for the pain they have caused you!! If you keep trying, you will only make yourself more miserable. Life goes on, with or without us, Peter... We can get on that train and make ourselves happy, but, we have to stop being so selfish first!! I was hoping that your work experience a few months back, would give you that perspective... When all you think about is yourself, you become miserable and dysfunctional... You know, I don't talk about my own problems much, because of that... Did you know that I spent the 1st part of the year in the hospital?? Do you know that I deal with medical issues every day?? NO... Because I chose to shelter you from that, out of love, and was hoping not to add the burden onto someone else... Life is too short, kid... Wake up, and start becoming the man that I expect you to become!! luv, tman<3
I guess I don't understand your situation. I need to go back and read all your posts. What you said in this post just sounds to me like you are actively trying to make things worse rather than helping. I'll come back later when I can get a better idea of what is going on.
you guys really know how to make a kid feel like shit... guess i was askin for it but still. look, Brian, my parents are divorced. up until that comment, i never thought i was what drove my parents apart... i still dont think i am, but thinking back, what if i added the stress the broke the camels back.
Tman, im not fucking up my life. i dont drink/smoke to put it in there face. i do it because i like it. i dont want to go back over that issue. i know your stance on it, and im trying to stay away from another argument.
look, i dont respect my mom, i dont think of her as my mom. thats my sister. shes always been the one there for me, or atleast when it counted. thats why i dont care if she agrees with what im doing.
im really not trying to fuck up my life.
and i havent done much to hurt eather of my parents. if you guys see somthing i dont, please point it out.
and im not growing up till i have to. dont force me to. im not being overly irresponsible.
im sorry you were in the hospital. im guessing your knee if your still dealing with it. that sucks. it really does. im sure your constantly thinking about how you can improve it arent you?isent that selfish? how is that any better then my selfishness?
and look, that trip just showed me some people have it worse off then others. it shoudlent have made me selfless.
It sounds to me like you have all the answers, so, maybe I'll just go to bed... I never said anything about drugs or alcohol... there are plenty of ways you are screwing up your life, even w/o them... Staying with the same, failed strategies for one thing... By the way, if you don't realize it- you're 16, not 6... I can't even begin to address that... read my blog...
the whole point of 'manning up' is to take control of YOUR life... Nobody is going to do that for you... That's up to you!! And, allowing a thing like your parent's lack of discipline towards you, or the hurt they caused you by divorcing to dictate your behavior... well, that's infantile... sorry... you need to wake up!! If you can't see the difference between treating a medical condition and the selfish thinking that I'm talking about, you'd better think about that, a LOT more... Only a child puts himself before everyone else. There's a reason we grow beyond that... Who would listen to you, if we still thought like that?? Come on, Peter, it's wearing thin, the whole bloody thing... Throw me a bone!! I've tried to help you in so many different ways... what more can I do?? Tell me!! luv, tman<3
Tman, i never said i had all the answers. why would i be here if i did? and my strategy has yet to fail.
how has my parents dictated my life? i would really appreciate it if you let me know where your getting this from. and i dident meant treating. look i was projecting, and im sorry. my dad had knee surgery, fallowed by strep in his knee, and he healed, was done therapy, and is still pushing himself. thats as selfish as whatever you throwing at me. as a child, i was the lowest of the fucking low. it took until recently for me to fix my distorted vision. im obviously still working on it. the only thing you can do is stay with me
just for the record, this is the most iv ever cried. iv thought of doing everything from killing myself, to running away, to just saying fuck you guys. im not suicidal, it was just a depressed thought. look guys, it was my bad idea making this post. im sorry. maybe ill just take it down.
you know what, no, fuck it, im keeping this post up. sorry if you guys dont like it.
Peace
guys... anger is my way of stopping myself before i reveal something i dont want to. at the end of that comment, i was about to. see how it changed? dont judge me when i get angry. theres normally something else behind it. i gota go to bed now or else i never will.
Well, kid, a good cry is good for the soul, as they say... Join the club!! I'll bet you didn't know that I've cried after reading some of your posts, did you?? Yup!! But, I calmed down, and tried to figure out what to do... how to be helpful... I told you before- I don't censor my thoughts to be popular... If I didn't care about you, I'd just laugh and go away- log ago...
The way your parents are dictating your BEHAVIOR is evident in the way you are stuck in your childhood... No, I don't want you to grow up to a 30 year old guy yet... I just want you to start acting more like your age... believe it or not, your parents have prolonged your childhood with lousy parenting, if what you say is true... No consistent message, no guidance on important issues, willy nilly attention to your insecurities, etc., etc....
So, what to do?? Just stay a 6 year old forever?? Not me!! I would have shucked that idea, years ago!! Listen, I know we're different in some ways. But, do you really believe that I got thru my childhood without helping myself?? NAWW!!! I worked from age 7... I cared for my younger siblings and paid some of the families bills by age 11... I did what had to be done. This is where your lack of faith is hurting you... Not only do you feel that you have noone to answer to on earth, you also feel that you will have noone to answer to, anywhere... That, is a very skewed perspective, and going through life, without any concern for consequences, is not a happy way to live... Trust me,,, I've seen it all before...
Don't run from your challenges... hard truth makes a man strong... it may hurt, but, it is the only thing that matters...
You know that your strategy is flawed... Your unhappiness is evident... I've offered you solutions and support... You're right, you need answers... how about listening to the wisdom of 2 old timers, for once... We don't ask anything in return but your happiness... I love you, even tho you doubt it now... go to bed now, and understand that... I'll be thinking of you, tonight, little man... luv, tman<3
Good morning, all
I've just woken up and found this (it's 7.30am here now). I suspect I will be chewing it over today, and I hope to post this evening.
Spys: I got your e-mail, and I'll try to reply to that later today as well.
*hugs*
Mark
Maybe your mom hasn't cut it as a parent. Parents provide love, support, guidance, boundaries. It sounds like you've missed out on a lot of this.
Where does this get you? You already know your mom is not there for you, by proving it over and over again you wont gain anything, just risk making things worse..
Life's not fair. You've got no choice but to take responsibility for yourself, cos your family isn't going to. Work out where you want to go in life, then decide what you need to do to get there. You have to survive where you are now, and that means being smart and getting the most out of things. Don't make things worse by fighting pointless battles.
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