i fucking hate you. you always put so much pressure on me to be perfect, and straight.
mom, your preppyness make me want to puke. there is badness in the world. learn it! grow up. your not a kid. take some fucking responcibility for you fucked up family. stop puting shit off, like doctors appointments. i have to tell you 6 months before i even get sick to just get an appointment. thats crazy! sence dads not at the house anymore, dosent mean you can just let it go! you still have to clean, do laundry, and the the yard atleast looking like there are still people in this house! i dont think you realize how much the things you say to me affect me. "its such a relief your not gay" WTF!?!? you dont even fucking know your own son!!!!!!!! stop getting drunk every fucking night. its anoying to have to watch you. you say shit you should never say to me. i dont want to hear about how the love of your life left you!!! he was a temperair boyfriend to make you feel loved. its not like you 2 were that serious!!!! i take back what i said earlier, get drunk and leave me alone.
dad, your no better. you expect my room to look spotless. look, when i am at your house, thats an imposible expectation. get over mom. she's not in love with you. why do you obses over your kids? you dont have to call me every day. your obsesion over apperance gave me so much anxiety every time i walk out of my house, or even when i go to school. your so fucking judgmental. you have judged me my whole life. ill never forget you pushing my sister against a wall, or you making my mom cry so many fucking nights. do you realize i would go to bed early in hopes i wouldent have to hear you guys fight? i though maybe sence im in my bed ill fall asleep and get a break for once, well nope. i heard every single "fuck you" and "stupid fucking cunt" you ever uttered. you even drove me to tears. no wonder my mom left your ass.
FUCK YOU BOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
alright, sorry i needed to get that out. look, my parents arent always as bad as i make them seem. i needed this to get all my anger toward them out. ill never let them see this, dont worry. ok, im gona go calm down some how. Peace!!!
And So It Goes (2014)
9 years ago
2 comments:
wow, kid... I go away for 2 days and it seems like everything has changed here! What's going on? "It's a relief that you're not gay?" When did she say that?
Your anger is evident, and I can't say that I blame you... I lived in a house full of kids, growing up, that was often violent, with my Mom and Dad at war, constantly putting the kids in the middle... I'm SO sorry, that you have to experience the same nonsense that I did. I remember many nights huddled together with my younger brothers and sisters looking to me for protection against the fear that sometimes spilled over into physical abuse against all of us kids...
What is wrong with some people that they feel entitled to bring this behavior down on their children?? They should be ashamed to call themselves parents!
All right now, I got that off my chest!
What I have learned in the years after my childhood, about the imperfection of people in general, could fill many volumes... I don't really know how to condense it to the limited space here, for you, kid, but, I guess the best way to look at this is as a temporary part of your life that you will hopefully learn to put behind you someday in the right way... You MUST forgive them both, for the pain that they have unfairly visited on you... They are imperfect people, we all are, and, in order to live your life with the real happiness that you deserve, you must NEVER take these things with you into the future!! If you do, they will be like lead weights, dragging at you, in every decision, and every relationship that you have... I can tell you this because, sadly, I have witnessed my 4 sisters, damaged by these things, lead very difficult adult lives, constantly bringing up the past, and our childhood traumas, as if it was yesterday... Many times, over the years, I have beseeched them to stop, and understand what they do to THEMSELVES by dredging this stuff up, over and over, again...
It can only be an influence on your life, IF YOU LET IT...
Someday, kid, I want to be talking to you as a man that has defeated the notion that evil is a necessary part of your life... I want you to experience the love that I have in life, after I learned that I was worthy of love... Don't waste too much time, trying to change the past... Get mad, yell, like you did here, then move on!! You will be much happier if you do!! I love you, kid... tman<3 hugs2
Hey Tman, glad to see your back! i know what you mean, and your right about everything. i think this post was a part of me forgiving them. im sorry to hear about your sister! and dont worry, this will be close to as far as it goes =) Peace!!!
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