ok, so it was cool hanging out with Patrick and Sara before the party. there fun people to be around. we dident drink or smoke (yay us?). my mom ordered pizza for us. one plain and the other with vegies and sausage. i like plain haha
then my mom drops us off at the party. verry awkward because we walk in and first person i see is my ex from a while back. we havent talked sence 8th grade. i look over at her, she sees me and looks away. Dang. talk about a no word burn.
so the partys on an indoor soccer feild. there was a DJ and some snacks. i only really knew Patrick and Sara, and 2 other people i used to go to school with. well atleast they were the only people i was talking to besides the birthday girl.
at the begining of the party, me and Sara decide to go all out for this party because we dident care about any one here. so we start dancing. we danced for like a straight hour. then we took a break, got a drink, sang happy birthday. when we hear music again, its a local hip hop group. they were suprisingly good. then i met a girl, Courtny. she was cool. she got me dancing again. then there was a slow song. i walked away and was leaning on a wall for that song. then there was another. Courtny got me back on the dancefloor for a group type dance. it was 3 of us. we were just in a circle swaying. haha kinda funny actoualy.
then we danced for another hour and a half. my calves are now hurting and my stumick was killing me. i guess i was dehidrated or just jumping to much.
we leave, my mom takes us to taco bell (everyone else in taco bell after 10 is soo stoned its just funny) then my mom drives them home. and now im home =)
btw, there was one legit gay guy there. he was really cute, but i was scared to talk to him, and no ones knows im gay/bi. even i dont know.
ok i need your guys oppinion. if i like boys 85% of the time, but like girls 15%, am i bi? i mean i obviously like guys alot more then girls, but i can find some girls attractive. it just rarly happens. i still want to marry a girl though. idk. its late and im goen to bed. night!!! Peace!!!
And So It Goes (2014)
9 years ago
4 comments:
OK... I guess I should have read this post before I commented on the newest one, but, I saw the heading, and just couldn't help myself!! lol
On the party activity- good for you!! I'm SO glad that you enjoyed yourself, dancing/singing, etc.- you have a right to have fun and should do that more often!! It'll help to make the problems that come into your life less severe and easier to cope with, if you have a good perspective...
Now, the gay/bi issue- I wouldn't want to define you on the basis of a percentage... My instincts tell me that you're gay leaning, but, you're still working through your feelings. Unless you experience a gay relationship, I'm not sure how you'll know for sure... Having feelings for both sexes is not unusual... I think some people even think that if you're gay, you hate women (I've heard this, and it's uninformed). But, if you mostly lust after guys, then, it's more likely that you'd find your happiness in a gay relationship.
There are lots of guys that have attempted to convince themselves that they are bi... they get married, have kids, and then, regret their lives... Many get divorced, leaving the tattered lives behind them. I find that, just unfair.
You are young, kid, and have plenty of time to sort through all this... Don't sweat it, it's a very natural process... Either way, I know you're on the right path!! luv, tman<3
haha its funny that you said that Tman because i probably looked like a complete idiot dancing, but i really dident care and i think i had a better time because of that.
i see what you mean. i think i just need to give it some more time also. Peace!!
Hi there, Spys
Have you heard of the Kinsey Scale? It was invented by psychologist Alfred Kinsey for his groundbreaking work on human sexuality around 1950. It's a numerical scale, running from 0 (completely straight) to 6 (completely gay). From your percentages, you're probably around 5, at the moment. This may change either way, if I recall Kinsey's findings correctly.
So I agree with tman: take your time. It will all work itself out.
Take care
Mark
I still think finding a support group like PFLAG would help you sort through the feelings. Sexuality isn't determined by percentages, and as usual, tman is dead on...suppressing who you really are to fit in a mold usually turns out badly for everyone within that mold. I honestly think that if you were to meet some friends that are gay, you'll be in a better position to figure yourself out.
As for dancing, I hated dancing, and I avoided it as much as possible because of how I thought I would look, and because of that missed out on a lot of opportunities to meet people. Clearly you're over THAT hurdle of teenage social life!
Peace,
Jay
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