ok, so today was odd. it was the last dat for the seniors because they get to leave early if they get an internship (which most, if not all, do) so of course there were pranks all day. they put nombs (or knombs or whatever) all over the school, stink bombs in all the floors, and trashed all the bathrooms. it kinda set me off because when im taking a test, i go into a mode where all i want to do is finish that test, and get a great grade on it. i cant handle things going on around me, and sence the seniors beaicaly couldent get in trouble, they were shouting, and all the other grades joined in. i couldent take that all day. and if that wasent enough, where i take my test (a special center for add/adhd/dyslexic/disgraphic kids) there were 5 other kids i knew well, and was helping cheat.
so to clarify, theres shouting all around me, i have a math test in front of me, and kids around me need my help for math, english, and world civ tests. it was waaaaay to much stress for me to handle. so, like i always do, i supressed my stress, and tried to do it all. i basicaly did as much as i could until a teacher rescued me, and yelled at people for talking in the testing center. i was so relieved!!!
then i finished my test, and was walking out of the testing center, and, well, broke down. i closed up, and showed people only anger, and almost started balling my eyes out. i havent cried in probably 3 years. it was so strange to me. i really cant explain it. sorry, my mind went blank again.
i cant remember anything. i think i must have add or somthing. ok well Peace!!! =)
And So It Goes (2014)
9 years ago
6 comments:
Hi there, Spys
It's OK to cry. Really, it is.
Crying is the body's response to emotional overload: grief, pain, stress, happiness. It's a way to let out all the pressure inside, and you don't have much control of it. So it's good to cry when you need to.
Take care
Mark
thank Mark, but at an all guys school, it really isn't, at least not in front of people
Yeah kid, well, I know what you mean... it's too bad it happened like that, but, I'm proud of your determination to try to do the best that you could, despite all the chaos!!
Really proud!!
If anyone gives you grief about the incident, basically tell him to f**k off! There's not a one of those 'tough' guys that doesn't cry, from time to time... And, with all the pent- up anxiety over the studying and the pressure of the situation, you just lost it.
Learn from it... Every guy has a breaking point... One of the things that you learn in SERE (survival/escape/resistance/evasion) training, is just that- what your individual breaking point is... Recognizing this point, empowers you in different ways... since you are weak under these circumstances, work on building your resistance to chaos... try to tune out the noise emotionally... take deep breaths, and try to focus... refuse to get upset, no matter what. Come up with your own technique to forcefully calm yourself, and drown out the background commotion... It will take practice, but that goes with the territory... There are lots of tricks that I used in my sports career to do just that... routines that are repeated to the point of obsession... just to remove the noise in your head, and play within a 'zone'...
Do you know that, there are entire matches that I played (3-4 hours worth), that I NEVER really heard the crowd noise at all? That's because I had found that 'zone', the place that I felt SO comfortable, that it was my own, little, private world....
With time and practice, you can master the techniques... Even if you are not into sports, they are a valuable tool to have, for the times in life where you are under severe stress... You are young, so forgive yourself the odd crying jag... Ignore the idiots that speak of it, or, laugh about it... It's REALLY hard to make fun of someone who can laugh at himself!! luv, tman<3
thank Tman =)
that SERE thing sounds interesting. was that back in the Air Force days? and im trying to "master" it, but it'll still take some time.
yeah i totaly know what you mean. when i played lacrosse, i would play the whole game, and not hear a single person besides my teammates and coach.
thanks again =)
Yeah kid... SERE was training we received in the event that we were shot down, and/or captured... In those days, our pilots were being subjected to torture and deprivation, and so the training encompassed those possibilities- a mock session (2 days) in a POW camp, where we were put under severe stress, using the techniques that the enemy used to extract information from captured officers... The idea was that any information that a pilot had, concerning troop movements, etc. would be useful to the enemy for only a certain amount of time (fresh intelligence), and would endanger many lives during that time... We were taught to carefully resist, but leak little bits of false info (nobody can just shut down and NOT talk under physical abuse like that), until the intel was old and useless... The rest of the training was how to avoid capture in the first place, and techniques on surviving while evading capture... Should the worst happen, and you became a guest (lol) in a camp, there was training in escape as well, but the idea was not to get captured in the 1st place!!
I'm glad to here that you were involved in sports, and understand what I mean by the 'zone'... I know that it may seem like a different situation, but, I think that there are correlations, and that's one of the reasons that I try to get the kids in my life to participate in sports to some degree... There are all kinds of positive, life related skills, that can be learned from sports, even if you're not a natural athlete... If you treat the difficult situations in your life as a competition, and apply the skills that you learned in sports, you will have a better chance at a good outcome... Learning to save the natural, emotional response for a more advantageous moment ( with a lover, for instance ...lol), focuses your energy on solving the problem efficiently/directly before it becomes a bigger problem...
Having said that, you also need to give yourself some slack when you screw up, and overreact... Recognize the mistake, own it, and move on... Oh, and by the way... if you make a mistake that costs someone else, apologize (not easy, but necessary lol) , before you move on... Well, I hope some of that helps... We are all learning kid, even at my age!! Some of us just won't admit it!! lol luv, tman<3
wow, that sounds cool, but tough. and i actually over apologies, making my sincere apologies sound less sincere. Peace!!!
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