Philosophies From A Kid

so guys... i feel like shit. i had my first cigarette in 5 months (or somthing like that). i hate myself for it. im about as disappointed in myself as you guys will be. first relapse sense i quit... the worst part is, i loved it. thats why i NEED to quit. i should be quitting all together, but im not there YET. i will be.

so black swan was interesting... i dident like it, but i could appreciate it if that makes any sense.

oh also check out my WeHeartIt "heart" iv always liked pictures and this seemed cool. i hope you guys dont have to sighn up to check it out, but feel free to if you want =)

http://weheartit.com/Spys89

Peace

so last night was my sisters good bye dinner. she left for college this morning. ill miss her, but we'll keep in touch.

we went to a hipster bar. it was kinda funny because we are not hipster(ish) at all. it was me, my dad, his gf, my sister, and her friend (cute). haha idk whats happenin between my sister and her friend. i think they hooked up but what do i know. so dinner was good.

then today i woke up, went to drum lessons, then met my friend for chinees for lunch.

later im going to hang out with Sara for coffee, shoping, then were gona see Black Swan.

oh i got my computer back =)

also my mom, dads gf, and friend today told me how i looked like i lost weight. my mom thinks im not eating, but believe me, im still eating haha. oh well, maybe they see somthing i dont see. i havent weighed myself in a LONG time, maybe i should? idk i dont base weight off numbers to be honest, its more about look, and i dont think iv changed at all.

so now im just pissed at MapleStory now, and i think i will be until i go get coffee hahaha. apparently it dosent like me, and wont let me launch it. FML

Peace!

haha so guys, sorry about the unrest about my revelation post. i did smoke. i wasent depressed before i smoked. i wasent trying to escape anything. i just wanted have some fun. so thats that

now my gig was alot of fun. not perfict, but i figured it was only my first. we were all out of sync for the first song. but after that, it just kept going up. then on the last song, i droped 2 sticks while playing. i have a habit of doing that because i have a light grip, and i was so happy it only happened for that last song haha. we played songs like she (green day), beer (beel big fish), whats my age again, dammit, and caracul (blink 182), 7 nation army (the white stripes), and 2 other songs that i fogot haha

so i probably wanted to post alot more but i forgot haha any reminders guys?

hope yall are still reading.

Peace!

Hey guys! Long time. When i can, ill tell you guys about my first show! All im gona say now is i had alot of fun. Hope i post soon
peace!

so i had a revelation last night. i was admitably high, but it was a revelation non the less. the reason im never happy is because im only happy when i feel like im not alone. for instince, im happy when i watch a show like skins (first 2 seasons) or shameless. i feel totaly not alone. but after that shows over, i always get depressed.

so with that logic, why dont i get depressed when i read other gay blogs? idk maybe it has somthing to do with a video? like live action type thing? idk oh well. just thought id share =)

Peace!

thanks for pointing it out Mark, 2 days ago last year was the first time i posted!!! geeze ive been through alot with you guys. some great, and some bad memories, but memories nun the less. wow thats crazy!!!

wow guys i still cant believe it.

so today was fun. i hung out with Sara today. shes been depressed and is anarexic again, with a side of balimia (cant spell haha). shes seeing a theropist though so thats good.

idk what else to say... hmmm. i havent realy quit smoking tobacco, and never really think i will, but i think ill try and cut it down. it got to the point where on school days and weekends where my mom was home i was smoking 2 a day, and when my mom wasent home, but i was, it could get up to 5. so i finished my pack, and dont think ill buy another one for a while. its gona suck, but itll test my control over that substance. and if it gets too bad, ill (hopefuly) realize i need to stop for good. but to be honest, if i cut back the way i want to, where im not smoking to relieve stress, but for fun or because im around a bon fire or im with a group of friends, then i dont see any harm in it.

gahhhhhh i dont wan do this project but i have to, so...

Peace!!!

Hey guys, u know how i was gettin the bsod? Apparently its the hard drive. So 2-4 weeks until i get it back. That means i may not be blogging as much as i want.

so im in a band, dont know if i told you guys or not. well were booked to play a local bar on the 20th of this month. im anxious as anything. well on top of that, i just found out that we got booked for a local venue that one of my favorite bands just played at, and alot of great bands have played there. anxiety level through the roof! but im excited tooo

so thats that

now philosophy. so i was thinking... if i could be remembered as one phrase what would it be? well that got me thinking to what i wanted everyones last thought of me to be. i think i want it to be that i would drop everything for anyone. its a little petty, but i dont think its that bad. what do you guys wana be remembered as?

Peace!!!

hey guys, not really much to say... im not pumped for another week of school haha. just wanted to make sure you guys dident think i was dead =P

Peace!!!

remind me to talk about a philosophicalish thing... last thought before you die

holly crap guys how has it been 8 days already?!?

so remind me if i forget to go over xmas/new years eve. im kinda running short on time and i wana get one thing across well

so me and megan are really close now. she had a boy friend who dumped her when she told her she kissed another guy. now there just close friends. well they were talking and he told her she dident even know half of his story. he told her not to tell anyone this, and that he could read peoples body language and other things to get a good read on people. she told me cuz she trusts me, and i dont really talk to anyone from there school.

well i said it was bs at first, but then she told me he pegged me as "very very very very very gay" and another guys as bi, but with a crush on megan. well everyone from her dance team thinks this one guys atleast bi.

so i said how could he have known that? no one else picked up on it... except for a girl or 2 from her dance team haha

she said his reply was he could hear it in my voice, and he caught me stairing at the bi kids butt haha oops


well this came at a weird time. last night i was wondering if i was really gay. i mean i know i like guys, but do i not like girls? iv always been told that girls dont like me, and i thought maybe that just got impressed into my brain, and i cancled that option out all together.

well now, all i know is im gay, and i dont really care why at the moment.

i also decided i want to go on diet meds. my dad and sis were on them, and i think they could really help. i get an ok amout of exercise, but its my hunger that kills me. apparently they can help with appitite. if i just get into that habit, maybe itll make my life that much better =) ill ask my dad next time i think of it, and hear what he thinks. i mean if i lost 20 pounds, id feel so much better, but maybe the meds mixed with a steady work out plan could get me in shape =)

so what are your guys thoughts?

Peace!!!