Philosophies From A Kid

hey guys. just got back from a carnival. lots of fun. sorry i've been procrastinating posting. i have exams all week but ill see if i can fit a post in. peace!

so i get up at 7:12. thats late... i was suposed to get up at 6:30. apparentaly i set my alarm for 8:30... FML

i go to school, school sucks like always, then i go to my carpool car. figured on this oh so shitty day, we get pulled over on our way home. failier to stop...

then i get home, my mom pickes me and my sister up and we go out to eat. at the end of dinner, her bff stops in for 4 glasses of wine with my mom. 4 each... my sister drives my moms car back to my dads house, 45 minuets away, because she was sleeping there for the night. then i drove that 45 minuets back home with my learners and the "adult" driver passed out in the shot gun.

i get so Fing pissed at my mom for being iresponsible all the time! grow up! my sister and i had to be the adults all our child hood. thanks for making the rest of my childhood better mom...

im gona go smoke HALF a cig right now. its better then a whole one right? Peace!!!

hey guys, long time no post. sorry about that. i hate the computer i have to use because it's downstairs and there are some many spiders down here. im very aracnifobic so yeah... not the greatest placment for me. idk when ill get my laptop fixed.

ok so yesterday was fun. i walked with Andrew for like 3 hours. then i came home, got ready, and Sara's mom picked me up to take me to the mall where Patrick was playing. he's in a band which is actoualy prety good. he playes guitar and backup vocals.

so i got in Sara's moms car and she drove me to Sara's grandparents house. idk if i ever told you this but Sara lives with her grandparents. idk why, but i think its because she hates the guy her mom married. so we got there, picked Sara up, and left for the mall.

at the mall, we walked around for an hour, then back to the coffee shop where the band was playing. we were shunned by the 9th grade girls, which we dident care about because they are all slutty bitches.

then the band started playing, and me and Sara played choutes and latters. idk how to spell that haha. i won =)

there were not many people there, but in the band, Patricks sister sings, and her boy friend, well, is a creeper, but i LOVE his snake bite (lip peircing). its adorable.

so they played for an hour, then we got a ride back to Patricks place his mom. there was a party back at his house. we go inside, and it was the same set up as the last one. a bunch of 9th graders that dident like us, and then one that did. so i basicaly stalked Sara because she knows i hate most of the 9th graders.

so we quickly formed a group. it was me, Sara, Patrick, and Tara (the one 9th grader who liked us). for the begining of the party, we established more code words. you guys might remember "berry" or awkward, but now we had "ipod" alcohol, "watch" weed, and "Book and mail" Black and Mild (a type of cigar). nothin much happened until people started goin in the pool. Sara, Patrick, and Tara all went in, but i just chilled by the pool cuz i dident have a bathing suit and im not totaly comfortable with my shirt off.

they got out, and the four of us went back to Patricks room cuz the girls needed to do their makeup and hair and stuff like that. Patrick got changed then laid on his bed. i was siting next to the bed, Tara was getting changed, and Sara was ontop of Patrick maken out. wasent too awkward because Tara was there so we talked while they made out. then a bunch of people came in the room. they started maken out again and all but one 9th grader left. the one who stayed was just talken to us. Tara told him how she and Sara were suposed to make out. he said you wont, and then they did haha. it was funny because Tara is aparentaly a horible kisser. then that one guy left, and Patrick was showing us his "watch" and all of a suden, his mom walks in. ok so im playing with a nighter, and Sara is sniffing Particks "watch" yeah awkward. so we still dont think she saw anything.

went downstaires for a little and Patrick brought us a cup with an "ipod" in it. wasent much. i had all of 3 shots. dident feel a thing. then we went back up to his room and me and Tara talked which the other 2 were maken out. Tara's parents texted her saying they were there, so she got her stuff together, and i said Tara... she looked over and Sara is giving Patrick a hand job... again. haha!!!

Tara leaves, i fallow. there was a chair right outside his room so i sat there. next thing i know, his mom walkes up the staires and askes me if Patrick is in his room. loudly to alert them, i say i think so. she just barges in and apparentaly dident see anything, but gives me a look like wow you were siting outside his room while stuff was goen down. Patrick says he was putting his pants back on while she walked in. they dident have sex, Sara's stayen virgin till marriage. i think we can all figure out what they were doen though.

so then we walk downstaires and my moms there. after a litteraly 10 minuet hug, i manage to pull Sara off of Patrick and we get in the car and drive Sara home, then i went home. it was a prety fun night, even if we dident really drink or smoke.

Peace!!!

PS i turned down weed for the first time today sence i started smoking. wont happen alot, but atleast its happened

ok, so this will sound like a bad post, but i truly love my mom no matter what i say.

so i came to the realization that my mom takes care of me during the day, and i take care of her during the night. now this isent everynight, but the nights that she goes out, or we go out and meat other people.

like 2 nights ago, she takes me out to meat another single mother and her son. i really like her son. hes a nice guy, a year younger than me, and just a cool guy to hang out with. infact, im hangin with him this weekend. well both our moms like wine. so over the course of the dinner, they have 3-4 glasses each. idk about his mom, but mine was prety far gone. i think shes on med so she a little lower on the tolerance scale. well i drove home, i cleaned up, i made her popcorn, and i did what she asked. it was like i was the parent that night.

now im not saying my mom has a drinking problem, beleive me, i understand she likes to have fun, im just saying, dont get that drunk infront of your son. atleast that my thoughts.

by the way, i have a new bad habit. i found out that papers are alot easier to write after a cigeret. now im not addicted, and i shoulent call it a habit, i've only smoked 2, but i really want to watch that because that somthing i dont want to do alot of.

also, i dont know why, but i have a tendency to be a bad influence. for some reason, when people are around me, they want to do things like try pot, or drink, and i cant understand it. look, i dont drink alot and i really dont smoke alot, but everyone wants to try it with me. am i just a little more advanced for my age? and by that im not saying smoking or drinking is good, just saying i know about it. *sigh* i just dont get it. ok well im gona go to bed. idk when ill post again because my computer is still broken. i hope i wrote enought to get some good comments haha =P
Peace!!!

hey guys, buissy times. ill post when i can but my laptops broken so idk. iv come acrose the realiation that i take care of my mom at night. ill talk later. cya

at my little cousins game. yay for a gay guy being here, boo for me not being outgoing. peace!

ok, so i dont know if i've told you about all my religion class debates. if i've told you this one, then ignore haha PS i like that pic ^ because it dosent say God isent real and wont offend =) click on the picture to see all the comic

well we were talking about capital punishment. my teacher said split up into sides, left was for, right was against. then he just let us go at it. we said that we shouldn't risk a deadly prisoner escaping. they said prisons were impossible to escape from (WRONG).

then they said that some people are killed, then later found innocent. true, but rare. we said when they are sent to death row, it still takes at least 6 months until execution.

then we said it was a great deterrent. they argues that prison was worst then death. they said that people have confirmed that. this is where i hate my religion class. my teacher interrupted and said that death was worst than prison. and when we tried to call them out for there mistake, he wouldent have it. thats what arguing is about, expanding on the others mistakes so that your point sounds better than theres. well needless to say, we were silenced and then the class ended. our teacher said that the against team won that debate. WRONG!!!!! we totally won. i lost most respect for my teacher at that point.

anyway, next class he said that the church says the death penalty is wrong, and so our laws should be changed making it illegal. wft? dident we start this country on the basis of separation of church and state? i know it was at least on of the factors. but wait, it dosent stop there.

the class after that, we argued wether or not abortion should be legal. same thing as last time. i was on the for side. now i probably sound cruel, but let me say that i think it should be legal, but i dont necessarily support abortions. personally, i think they should only be used in extreme things like rape, or if the mother would die if she had the baby.

well this time i personally had the opening statement. i stated that it was prove in the 20s and 30s that people would have abortions if it was legal or not. i said that a lot of people died because they would use hangers and things to give themselves abortions. i said that if people would have abortion anyway, why not make it a lot safer and more clean.

the other sides argument was that killing is wrong.

then we said that is should be legal in the case of rape.

they said killing is wrong, and the person should have the baby and give it up for adoption.

we said that it would be torture to ask a mother to cary around there rapists baby for 9 months. she would probably intently harm the baby, and could later develop a mental disorder.

they responded with killing is wrong...

noticing a similar response? well then class was over.

in the hallway on our way to our next classes, a couple of us were continuing the debate. they said how would we like it if our mom tried to kill us now. i said we are completely independent, where as if we were in our mother, we are dependent on her. then we got to class and our argument was over.

ok well the next day, our teacher said that since the church is against abortion, the US should be against it too. SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE!!!!

Peace!!!

haha so today was pretty boring, or at least the morning was. but, the afternoon was a bit of a nightmare/comedy all in one.

well 7th period, i was walking to the disability center (dyslexia) for one of my tests (We get a silent room and extended time). so i was walking there with one of my friends. we'll call him Jimmy. he's a cool kid. i normally help him out with his tests because my teacher trusts me not to straight up give him answers. well we were in the small hallway outside my teachers room. i was blocking him just for shits and giggles.

we got to the door, and i basically made an ex with my body so he couldent get into the room. he tries to go though my right arm and leg. no luck. then he drops his backpack and tries to dive over my right shoulder. he's not a small kid, so i dropped him backwards. then go goes "i got an idea" and crawls under my legs. while under me, no perve joke haha, he lifted me up on his back. then i hear "rip" and i fall. i get up to find out there's a hole right below my crotch... damn. haha i couldn't help but laugh.

good thing is it was 7th period so i only had one more after that. the rest of school no one noticed. i got through school in no time. haha i think thats all that happened. Peace!!!

ok, so sorry its been like 3 days sensce i posted. i just havent had anything to post about. still dont. im thinking about shutting the blog down because there probably wont be much happening. i dont think i will though. im just warning you guys, not much will probably happen until the summer, or until we discuss homosexuality in religion class haha. leave any ideas or thoughts to make my blog better or for a new post. thanks ! =)

ok, so yes, i have openly stated i smoke pot, and drink, and smoke tobacco (on occasions), but this post should let you know why i aspired to be who i now am, and why i like being me.

ok, so i told you guys about my sister, and how i've looked up to her sense my parents split. well that how i got into drinking. she portrayed it as so fun, and it is, so i do it when the opportunity arises; but she's not the only person i looked up to. to be honest, i never looked up to music or sport stars. i've always been realistic, and knew i would never make it to that hight, so i always looked up to people i knew.

when i worked my 8th-9th grade summer, one of my co-workers smoked pot and cigs. i would always hang with her when she smoked cigs. i think she was 16 at the time. i loved the way cigs smelled, but never smoked one.

i also used to see her walk out of random places stoned. one time i asked her how it was. she responded by saying she was having fun just walking back. needless to say, i looked up to her. she seemed so cool to me.

one break, my sister drove the 3 of us to the co-workers brothers house. out front was a bird bath filled with cig butts. we walked in, and the place reeked of cigs, weed, and alcohol. then we walked up the stairs and into a room. in the room was the 3 of us, one of her brothers friends, and another friend who was 14 (i was 14 too, but he was going into 10th grade). so then one of the guys took out a bong. that was the first time i ever saw a bong, or even weed for that matter. it seemed really cool. they were passing the bong around, and even offered it to me. i said i was good. the co worker kept asking, but then the 14 year old stepped in and said if i dident want to, i dident have to. for about a year, i regretted not taking a hit.

throughout that summer i saw alot more bubblers and pipes.

then i worked at the same place the next year, but that girl had moved. one of her friends, who was friends with my sister too, was working there too so at least we knew i few people. he smoked cigs alot too. he was also gay. he was the first gay guy i ever knew. i looked up to him, which made smoking look really cool.

that was last summer. then this past year, i started smoking pot and tobacco. still not into cigs, but black and milds are ok. and i had drank sense my sister told me about it (7th grade). so that how i got into this life, and to be honest, i dont mind it. i actually like it. i like my parents not caring, and i like my role models. there cool as anything. so Tman, earlier when you said i needed more love, i get enough love, just from "bad people," but i like it just as much. Peace!!! (no hard feelings Tman, =))

alright, so friday was fine. me and Andrew hung out. we smoked a black and mild before he had to go to a party. if was really chill. we only smoked half of it, so he gave me the other half.

then Andrew left, and some other neighbors came over. we road our bikes to a local store and got drinks, then road back. i got a good work out in haha.

then i went to sleep (after dinner and stuff)

today, there was a giant festival on our main street. it was all about plants and music. it was really cool. got my mom some dill. she liked it =)then i hung out with Andrew just about all day. we played my drums, Call of Duty, and put together there new fire pit. they were gona use it tonight, but its too windy =(

now im watching the Matrix. gtg =) Peace!!!

hey guys, that ^ was a drawing i did when i was boared. i suck at drawing, but i still do it. if you can read it, it says sublime. there kinda a kick ass band haha

now on to a more serious topic, racism. alright, what i say is not ment to be racist, and hopefuly it wont be perceived as such. please dont judge anyone in this story =)

ok, so i grew up, and still live (sometimes), in a very rural town. there are farms, cows, and a bunch of nothing. our mall only has like 2 good stores and a movie theater. the whole town was white except for one black family, who i never associated with because there kids were much older, and they dident live near me. i never really saw them, but they were known as the one and only black family.

the big city is an hour and a half away. i used to go up there maybe twice a year. thoes were the only time i would ever see black people.

the first time i ever talked to a black person was when i was at a 4h camp. i was never into 4h, but you dident really have to be. i think i was in 4th grade. there was a black boy there. i dident talk to him, but i was standing in line to get into the pool. he was infront of me. out of no where, he turns around and says "hey, your really really fat." i almost cried. there was a counselor who i knew there, and she took the kid away and then asked if i was ok. i said yes because i really dont like attention.

up until 7th grade, that was the only thing i knew about black people, there mean and will call you names. ever time i saw a black person, i would get away from them, and never talked to them. in my school (7th grade) there was a new black family. they had a daughter who was a year above me. i never talked to her. that did, however, make me a little less tense about black people.

then, when i got high school, which was in the big city i mentioned earlier, a third of the school was black. imagine the shock when i got there. i did quickly get over my racism and made alot of black friends, along with white, asian, and hispanic friends. there all still friends, and are very rarely mean like i used to think.

looking back, i see how off my views were, but i never really realized i was racist. i think i still am in a way. i cant get the thought of that one kid calling me fat out of my head. i hate it.

now when i say i think im still racist, believe me, i by no means hate any race, but i defiantly do favor mine. like if we were picking teams, and there were 2 people left, both equal, but one was black and one was white, i would pick the white guy. i think thats still a comfort thing though.

at my school, we have what some kids refer to as little africa, which is where all the black kids sit at lunch, not because they have to sit there, but because they just do. now dont get me wrong, of course there are some white kids who sit with them, but not many, and there are some black kids who sit with the white kids, but again, not many. i would feel weird sitting with the black kids, which i guess is really how i feel racist. i would feel like i would get judged by them, and i wouldn't have a whole lot in common. i mean the black friends i have, we have a little in common, but not much.

ok, thats really all. Peace!!!

ok, so i got home and my mom left me a message that she wouldent be home till 9. i figured it was cinco de myo so id celibrate by smoking some weed. it was a good time. then Andrew and some other kids came over just to talk. they noticed but they were cool. then they left to get Andrew some snuss and black and milds. he is going to a party and said hed bring that stuff. we talked about it and im conviced he be cool with it and i explained all of his questions. he now knows its stuff and he'll be fine.

then he cam home and we had a snuss to finish the long day haha. no im home and about to go to bed =) Peace!!!

alright, ill give you a hint. it involves a lighter and no tobaco. =)

Peace!!!

idk why, im just mad. mad at my mom, mad at school, mad at teachers, mad at grades, mad at life.

on other news, i got my shoes in =) i love them haha

ok, im gona go now and post tomarrow, or the next day =P
Peace!

so today, i really just chilled. it was nice to have another down day haha. around 4 we went to a town and hour away for a chocolate festival. it was just my dad and i. we talked for 15 minuets about nothing like normal haha then i just listened to music for 45 minuets.

we got to the town, but couldent find the festival haha. i had looked it up online, but i never saw where it was. my dad said we'd find it, but we dident. instead, we stoped at an ice cream shop =) i got fudge because i was in a fudgy mood if that makes sence. i love vanilla fudge.

then i went to my local churches youth program and we played "capture the bible" it was actually alot of fun. Sara, Patrick, and Andrew were there. im gona talk to Sara next weekend when we go shopping to see if i should tell Patrick.

after capture the bible, the 3 of us went to a local coffee shop. we just talked for a half an hour, and now im home =) just finished chem homework. now im goen to bed =) night guys! Peace!

hey guys, do you like the new look? just thought id upgrade the blog a little =)
Peace!

ok, so today was good day. i woke up, got ready, and left for my drum lessons. after that, my dad and i rushed to a church 45 minuets away, the only thing is, the mass started in 30...

we were going for my cousins first communion. we had to pull over for me to put my dress shirt/tie on, so needless to day, we were a little late, but as my dad says, %90 of life is just showing up, not necessarily at the start =P

so it took us 5 minuets to figure out that we were in trying to get into the chapel, not the church... were not the brightest family haha. then we found the church and snuck in to the kids balcony. i call it the kids because it where you go when you have a baby and they start crying because its boxed in. we spend the whole mass up there. i wasent going to go to communion, but my dad told me to that way the family could see i was there. i dont really like going up for communion. it makes me feel like im disrespecting the priest and all the other catholics there because im not catholic, and dont share there core beliefs.

well ill skip to the end of mass. it was over and we had picture time, which i hate. im not photogenic at all.

then we headed back to my cousins house for a little partyish thing. it was cool. i got to see my other cousins which i dont see much. it was just a nice time seeing all my older and younger cousins. good day =) Peace!!!

PS my cousin made some awkward comments for me. he dosent know im gay, but he told me his friends figured somthing out. i asked what and he said, if they call a cigaret a fag in England, then it would be politically correct to bind a bunch of fags together and light them on fire... shit. that was an awkward silence.