Philosophies From A Kid

ok, so today was odd. it was the last dat for the seniors because they get to leave early if they get an internship (which most, if not all, do) so of course there were pranks all day. they put nombs (or knombs or whatever) all over the school, stink bombs in all the floors, and trashed all the bathrooms. it kinda set me off because when im taking a test, i go into a mode where all i want to do is finish that test, and get a great grade on it. i cant handle things going on around me, and sence the seniors beaicaly couldent get in trouble, they were shouting, and all the other grades joined in. i couldent take that all day. and if that wasent enough, where i take my test (a special center for add/adhd/dyslexic/disgraphic kids) there were 5 other kids i knew well, and was helping cheat.

so to clarify, theres shouting all around me, i have a math test in front of me, and kids around me need my help for math, english, and world civ tests. it was waaaaay to much stress for me to handle. so, like i always do, i supressed my stress, and tried to do it all. i basicaly did as much as i could until a teacher rescued me, and yelled at people for talking in the testing center. i was so relieved!!!

then i finished my test, and was walking out of the testing center, and, well, broke down. i closed up, and showed people only anger, and almost started balling my eyes out. i havent cried in probably 3 years. it was so strange to me. i really cant explain it. sorry, my mind went blank again.

i cant remember anything. i think i must have add or somthing. ok well Peace!!! =)

idk what to name this post, so i went with the obvious.

its really sad to see Andy is leaving blogger. i wish i found blogger earlier to enjoy people like Andy, or Tadpole. its a bit of a shame that im a "late bloomer"

well im gona talk about my "silent protests"
ok, so im in a Catholic school, and we pray before every class, along with the pledge of aligence when school starts. well i dont consider myself Catholic, so i dont pray for two reasons, 1) out of respect for "real" Catholics, and 2) because in my beliefs, its a waist of time for me.

in one class of 3, my teacher called me out for it. i told him i dident believe in God, which he knew because its suck a small class, and its really more of a study hall because all we do is catch up on out work.

also, i dont say the pledge of aligence (sorry i dont know if that suposed to be in caps or not). alright, this will sound bad, but believe me, im no terrorist, and i love the USA, i really do!!! i also love our freedoms and respect everyone who fought and or died for us!!! look, i just dont believe that the government should force us to "Pledge" our "Aligence." if anything, thats more to insult the Government than anyone.

well the same teacher called me out for that too, and said that i was a "typical 16 year old." alright, i do not deny my silent protests. yes, i am silently and peacfuly rebeling. the thing is, its not because it a "cool thing to do" i actoualy believe in it. i should not have to take shit for my beliefs.

this brings me too another point, is my homosexuality just a teenage anxt rebel? look, i find guys cute, and i realy do like them, but i cant imagine having sex with one if that makes sence. i dont like things in a one way hole. i dont think it could be a rebel because i really do like how guys look. idk

also, should i put an over 18 thing on my blog? i dont think i want to, but i do cuss. could they close my blog because of cursing? also, i want somone around my age reading too, and im not 18. idk just comment and make me happy =) =P
Peace!!!

i fucking hate you. you always put so much pressure on me to be perfect, and straight.

mom, your preppyness make me want to puke. there is badness in the world. learn it! grow up. your not a kid. take some fucking responcibility for you fucked up family. stop puting shit off, like doctors appointments. i have to tell you 6 months before i even get sick to just get an appointment. thats crazy! sence dads not at the house anymore, dosent mean you can just let it go! you still have to clean, do laundry, and the the yard atleast looking like there are still people in this house! i dont think you realize how much the things you say to me affect me. "its such a relief your not gay" WTF!?!? you dont even fucking know your own son!!!!!!!! stop getting drunk every fucking night. its anoying to have to watch you. you say shit you should never say to me. i dont want to hear about how the love of your life left you!!! he was a temperair boyfriend to make you feel loved. its not like you 2 were that serious!!!! i take back what i said earlier, get drunk and leave me alone.

dad, your no better. you expect my room to look spotless. look, when i am at your house, thats an imposible expectation. get over mom. she's not in love with you. why do you obses over your kids? you dont have to call me every day. your obsesion over apperance gave me so much anxiety every time i walk out of my house, or even when i go to school. your so fucking judgmental. you have judged me my whole life. ill never forget you pushing my sister against a wall, or you making my mom cry so many fucking nights. do you realize i would go to bed early in hopes i wouldent have to hear you guys fight? i though maybe sence im in my bed ill fall asleep and get a break for once, well nope. i heard every single "fuck you" and "stupid fucking cunt" you ever uttered. you even drove me to tears. no wonder my mom left your ass.

FUCK YOU BOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






alright, sorry i needed to get that out. look, my parents arent always as bad as i make them seem. i needed this to get all my anger toward them out. ill never let them see this, dont worry. ok, im gona go calm down some how. Peace!!!

ok, so no, i dident smoke today. the day just had a lot to do with weed. i was talking to oliver today. he just bought some weed. we talked for like 20 minuets about smoking and drug tests. he's about to fail one haha. then i was talking to a really cute guy (who always asks me about smoking sence he hasent done it yet) is going to an after prom party. im freakin jelous as anything.
wow... i think that all. my day was boaring haha

so i talked to Sara lastnight and were goen to the mall in 2 weeks to talk and shop. i prety pumped.

ok well thats all i can think of right now. i might post again later. Peace!!!

i still cant why anyone would want to have an open casket veiwing. ill tell you guys a story aboutone of my aunts.

my aunt and my grandmother got in a fight when i was 3 over a picture. my aunt dident know everyone was suposed to wear white shirts and jeans. my family is big, and it was the first time the whole family would be in the same picture in a while. it really wasent a huge deal because other people had extras, and it all worked out, but my grandmother is very... well mean, and when my aunt sugested that my grandmother hadent comunicated enough with them, my grandmother wouldent have it. they got in a huge argument, and right after the picture, they left.

that was the last time a saw her for 10 years. i dont even remember it well. i only saw my aunt in pictures.

then, when i was 13, she developed cancer. it was very bad. the only good thing (and believe me theres no good things about cancer) was that it brought the family back together. i got a solid 3 weeks one summer with her, which was more time then i had ever been with her.

then, maybe a month after, my mom got a call from my uncle (this aunts husband)saying it wasent good, and that they were calling the family in. that night, my mom told me to pack up and be ready to leave for the air port in the morning. they live 20 hours in the car away, and we couldent drive there. i did what she said, and dident ask why because we all knew the reason.

we got there the next day, and she was gone. we spent some time at my uncles house, then went to a hotel. it was fun for us kids because the hotel had a pool, but we couldent forget why we were there.

2 days later, we went to the viewing. i dident cry because i really only knew her for 3 weeks. i hated the viewing though. i've only ever had 2 imaged scared into my brain, and that was one of them. i walked up to the casket, and there she was, puffy from the medicines. thats all i remember from my aunt. i know i had fun with her for thoes 3 weeks, but that image is too much.

that is why i dont understand open casket viewings. wouldent people want to remember the times they spent with the person alive? it makes no sence to me. Peace!

just got a new laptop! damn, i got a lot done today!

ok, so i got up this morning, took a shower, got ready for the day, then went to drum lessons. i really enjoy lessons because i am deffinatly improving. the thing is, im really bad at expressing anything that people will judge. like art. i hated that class because no matter how comfortable with the people i am, my work is always very reserved. i have drawn things that look like me, like what i would do if i was mor outgoing, but then i shred them so noone can judge the real me. its really bad, and i want to get on some sort of medicine because of that and anxiety.idk if or when i will, but my whole family is on meds so i feel its just a matter of time.

well gettin back to drums, my teacher is really cool, and told me to just play around. i told him i couldent. he said he dident care if it sounded good or bad, just to use flams (a type of pattern to hit your sticks in)and i litteraly just played flams. he told me to use the toms and cymbals. i just did the bare minimum. it was bad. he told me to practice that and be ready to be put on the spot next week. i still wont be ready. then we just pratcised some more and it was time to go.

my mom and i went out for beagles. i got a plain and an egg sunflower. it was really good! i think my mom got cynamin reaisen which she liked too.

then we went to old navy. as you probably saw, there were some cute guys there, and one in particular. i was with my mom, and im shy, so i dident say anything, but he was adorable.

the picture at the top is 2 of the 4 things i got, the hoody and the jeans. probably not gona wear eather for a while, but it'll be good for the fall. i also got 2 pairs of shorts for $15 each. great sale haha. i normaly hate shopping, but i think im starting to enjoy it. now it really pisses me off when i go and get nothing, like normaly, but when im with my mom, she always makes me get a few things. i need to go to holister with Sara soon. maybe in 2 weeks we'll go.

btw, my face dosent normaly look black haha, its just for privecy issues. Peace!!!

PS first time i've uploaded a pic of myself besides the group pic from spring break (the trip).



PSS i just got 2 pairs of shoes!!! i've needed new ones for like a year and i finaly got them... well ordered them. they should come in 7-10 days. they look like this:





you gota love the clasic chucks!!!

cute guys at old navy. thanks u mystical being that i dont believe in

Ok, so i went to bingo tonight. it was cool. i got to see Sara, Patrick, and one of Sara's friends who i had met once. we had a lot of fun. we never won, but we did scope out the prises we would have gotten haha. bingo probably went on for 2 hours. after the first hour, i gave my card to Sara's friend because i was boared and dident want to play bingo anymore. its not really my type of game.

after bingo, Sara's friend left, but one of Patricks friends came. he's cool. i used to go to school with him, but we never really talked. hes kinda cute, but hes straigh. we walked down to an icecream place and chilled there for and hour and a half. it was really just a chance to be a 3rd and 4th weel. i dident mind though. i can tell Sara and Patrick really like eachother so its cool with me. then my mom, drunk, came and picked me up. i should have offered to drive because i can if shes there, but i was too tired. i cant believe i risked my life by letting my mom drive me home. she crossed the yellow line 3 times! luckily, there are bumped in the lines so you know when you are on them. still, not a good idea. oh well. im goen to bed now because im tired. Night! Peace!!!

alright, so i fixed the computer. wasent too hard. nothing has really happened lately. my life is kind of boaring during the week. sence my religion teacher has been gone, no philosophical posts haha. well i could try and think of one. ill see how long this post is first.

so tomorrow im goin to basket bingo with Sara. it's gona be the first time i've seen her sence the party, and i think there will be some interesting conversations because she now knows im gay. yes, im finaly prety sure im gay. i mean i prefer men to woman. i also dont feel right saying im bi. now, me being gay doesnt mean i wont have sex with girls. believe me, if i find a girl who likes me, and i like her enough, yeah we might do stuff, but it will be hard finding a girl i like over a guy.

then again, no guys know im gay... so that will be an issue for now. in some ways i hope that will change, but in others i dont. all guys school are harsh for gays. some get beat up, and all of them (that are open) get made fun of and riticuled every day. maybe ill start telling people in college. who knows though, things may change.

is it just me or did that last paragraph get no where?

well i cant really think of any philosophical stuff right now. ill just ramble some more.

has anyone knoticed that baseball players are all prety cute?

also, why do all the juniors have to be the hottest at my school? i wont be in many classes with them =(. oh well, i can still stair haha wow that sounded creepy. im not a stalker... all the time haha jkjk.

im rambling too much now. im gona go to bed. night guys! Peace!!!

hey guys, sorry i've been slacking with the posts! i have a virus on my computer thats anoying the stuuf out of me. ill try and fix it tommorow. i was outside enjoying the day when i got home from school and completly forgot about fixing the virus.

2 quick things though, looks like a have 7 fallowers!!! yay!!! with this virus, its screwing up my screan so i cant say hi yet, but new fallower, hey! haha

and 100th post!!! im finaly a blogger haha.

Peace!

ok, so we were talking about the 7 deadly sins in religion. what ill do is ill list them, and tell you how they affect me. now keep in mind, im not religious, trying to change, or woried about sinning.

Pride- in arguing, i dont budge. even if i know im wrong, i will stand by my original statment till the end. this actoualy helps me alot more than it hurts

Anger- i have a quick tempor, and dont mind it.

Greed- i love money, what wrong with that?

Envy- this helps me improve myself. if i like the way somone else looks, ill try to look like him and improve myself

Lust- sex is good for your body. nuff said

these last 2 are the only bad ones in my eyes

Glutony- alright, i eat too much

Sloth- yes, im lazy

thats me =)

in other news, me and Sara are having a ball with this! i love it! its so nice to be a little bit more free. i cant wait to talk to her in person about this.

and sorry im not going to be able to talk tommarow. ill be at my dads. ill try to make a mobile post, or, if im luck, ill make an actoual post. idk

ok Peace!!!

ok, so i have alot of dreams for my future. they are as fallows:
to be ritch
to have kids
to find a cute guy ; )

wow i think thats really it. i did want to have kids young, but being ritch is more important to me so im willing to sacrifice that one. yes, i know im greedy, but i dont really care.

my dreams fit me well i think. idk if ill abtain them, but its always a good goal. ok wow this was a short post. Peace!

ok, so i finaly worked up the courage to tell Sara. i basicaly told her i was gay, but still plan on marying a chick. she dident belive me at first, but i think she does now. she even asked me how i thought Patrick was. i told her i dont like straight guys, but i can see how she likes him. i now feel weird. like im glad i can finaly talk to somone in person about this, and im not too scared that shed ever tell anyone, but there always that fear if that makes sence. oh well, im to tired to think about this a whole lot. tommarow should be interesting. night (again) and Peace!!!

ok, so it was cool hanging out with Patrick and Sara before the party. there fun people to be around. we dident drink or smoke (yay us?). my mom ordered pizza for us. one plain and the other with vegies and sausage. i like plain haha

then my mom drops us off at the party. verry awkward because we walk in and first person i see is my ex from a while back. we havent talked sence 8th grade. i look over at her, she sees me and looks away. Dang. talk about a no word burn.

so the partys on an indoor soccer feild. there was a DJ and some snacks. i only really knew Patrick and Sara, and 2 other people i used to go to school with. well atleast they were the only people i was talking to besides the birthday girl.

at the begining of the party, me and Sara decide to go all out for this party because we dident care about any one here. so we start dancing. we danced for like a straight hour. then we took a break, got a drink, sang happy birthday. when we hear music again, its a local hip hop group. they were suprisingly good. then i met a girl, Courtny. she was cool. she got me dancing again. then there was a slow song. i walked away and was leaning on a wall for that song. then there was another. Courtny got me back on the dancefloor for a group type dance. it was 3 of us. we were just in a circle swaying. haha kinda funny actoualy.

then we danced for another hour and a half. my calves are now hurting and my stumick was killing me. i guess i was dehidrated or just jumping to much.

we leave, my mom takes us to taco bell (everyone else in taco bell after 10 is soo stoned its just funny) then my mom drives them home. and now im home =)

btw, there was one legit gay guy there. he was really cute, but i was scared to talk to him, and no ones knows im gay/bi. even i dont know.

ok i need your guys oppinion. if i like boys 85% of the time, but like girls 15%, am i bi? i mean i obviously like guys alot more then girls, but i can find some girls attractive. it just rarly happens. i still want to marry a girl though. idk. its late and im goen to bed. night!!! Peace!!!

ok, so the infamous Sara and Patrick are coming over to my house in 40 minuets. i think you guys have read about my last party with them. well its one of our close friends sweet 16 tonight. she dosent drink/smoke, so were gona hang out and we may or may not do anything. we'll see. i gota get ready though. Peace!

ok, so thurs after school, i was hangin in the cafateria until 5:30. it wasent that bad. Dave and another kid from the trip were sitting with me. we were talking about the trip alot. also, we figured out the 3 of us want to go back next year.

i have been wondering if it will be like the same expirence as the last one. new people, new places, and people can change. i dont think it will be. and me, the pesimist, is wondering if it will be worst. i really hope it the same, even though i know it wont be.

there are some people i knew id still talk to when i got back, like Oliver and Dave, but there are otheres i dident think would talk to me. everytime i see Rob he says hey. it cool.



next subject haha i have a really hard time calling somone my friend. not that im a snob, but i wonder if they consider me a friend. im weird i know. anyone else like or was like this?

Peace!

ok, so in religion class, we were given a situation. our friend comes up to us and tells us he's gay. you are the only one who knows, but he plans to tell his parents soon. you have a feeling it's going to get out some how.

what advice would you give him?
would you still be friends with him?
would your friendship change?
would you be worried about how people looked at you for being close to a gay person?

well our teacher kinda guides our class so its not too randome. most people said they would tell the kid to be himself and not to take shit from people. they also said they'd have his back as long as he dident hit on them. there friendship probably wouldent change, except no sleepovers (that was a joke i think). they wouldent be worried about other peoples oppinions.

that all bs. i know most kids in my class. they would stop talking to this kid, make fun of him behind his back, and never be seen with him again.

the teacher then said imagine it was you who was gay. haha i kinda liked this part.

would you tell anyone you were gay that goes to our school. its an all guys school.

most people said no, theyd hide it. i fit in for once because i agreed haha.

our teacher then said statisticly there are 2 gay guys in this class right now. wow i might not be alone haha. John starts poking me. he started laughing and sayin stuff to me. i knew it was all a joke about me or other people. he then saw we were all looking at one another and said there may also be none.



speaking of "gay" has anyone ever noticed that the word gay now has 3 meanings? 1. happy 2. homosexual 3. stupid/idiot

it seems everyone uses it as an insult, normaly not meaning to offend or refuring to sexuality. personaly, im never offended when somone says somthings gay. i say it alot too. i know i shouldent but its like cussing, it just comes out.

do you guys ever get offended when somone says that?

Peace!

ok, so at this point, im realizing that ill never get the love i want from my mom. i think we've all seen a show on TV where somones goin to colledge or moving away. the mom starts to cry and gives the person a giant hug. idk if that will ever happen for me.

my mom hates certain aspects of my dad, hence the divorce. well she always tells me im turning into my father. im stubern and like to argue (or debate haha). well she hates it. i really think she will always see my father in me.

Peace!

ok, so just found our my mom had diabetis. apparently it was the genetic kind. good thing is it skipped alot so hopefully im in the clear. well i gues that really all that has happened. wow lame post haha ill try to spice it up with my next post =P

just got out of the lamist pep rally ever

Day 1:

this ^ was our view of the ocean


haha think we had enough snacks?

Day 2:

The first church we went to


the beach =)

Day 3:

The main house


The trash from outside the house

Day 4:

us sorting the stuff from inside the house


the painting sight at the church (the sight i was at)


again


a very hungery lizard we found haha

Day 5:

replacing the screaning


Oliver teaching one of the 9 kids how to do the moon walk on there new floors (we installed)


the kid testing them out haha

Day 6:

beginings of a new foundation


the trenches (of the foundation haha)


all done =)


2 of the boys' room (main sight new floor)


Group photo


yay were done! (my fav. pic)


one of the counslers carying a tired little one back to he redone house


nice way to relax after a long day


alright, so im not going to post anything else today. to be hinest, this took a long time and im tired as anything. i hope you guys understand!

also, i hated blackening out the faces of everyone in the pictures. i also hope you guys will understand that was for there and my own protection.

ok Peace!!!

alright, so yes T, my grandmothers fine, we were just at dinner and i just wanted to say that =) ill tell you guys more when i get back from school. wait... today could be a late day... well we'll see what happens. BTW check out my new inhaler! haha

i <3 my grandmother!

its some sort of alergy indused asma

do u guys think i should tell sara about my sexuality?

ok, so another thing we learned about in religion. acording to my teacher, and the Catholic church, we are all born with a conscience. i completly disagree.

if we are all born with a conscience, then how come people can be so different? some people have no problem with lieing, but a huge problem with cheeting. personaly, i have a problem with neither.

i think that fact that not all consciences are the same is proof that we are not born with a conscience. another example is psychopaths. according to the church, there conscience is just off corse. again i disagree. in no way am i saying psychopaths are bad people, or atleast that not all of them are, but i find it quite obviouse that they dont have any sort of conscience.

as for me, i dont have much of a conscience. i would compair mine to Machiavelli's. the end justifys the means, and if you cant be both, its better to be feared than loved.

i have a theory that conscience's are formd by society. i think your environment also has alot to do with them.

i think thats really all i can say about consciences.

i do want to clear up that i am not out to disprove all of Catholics teachings, but i do tend to focus on Catholics beliefes. sence i was raised Catholic, and am tought Catholic views each day, it tends to be what i know best. ok Peace!!!

ok, so i was learning about the superego yesterday in religion. i had heard of it before, but never looked into it. still havent so some things i say in this post may be off, and feel free to corect me.

well, if we hare all born with a superego, then i think i have a very oxymoronic one. i have a small superego. yes, there are people whos approvil i try to get, but there arent many people. i think i've realized that i only want wise/knowledgable peoples approval. honestaly, i could care less about my parents approval, but there are a few teachers, and one grandmother whos approval i despritaly try to attain.

i try to get my english teachers approval. he is an old man, but knows what he's talking about. i hate english class, but for some reason i feel the need to get his approval. for instence, i will stay up much later on papers then i would for most of my teachers.

i also try to get my world civ teachers approval. i have a passion for world civ. its somthing i can honestaly say im good at. i even feel ok saying im better at it then some people. these are things i can say about no other subject. i dont have much confidence, but in world civ i do. that is the only class i always raise my hand for. i think i do that for 2 reasons. 1) to prove my superiority over my class mates and 2) to gain the teachers respect.

i think that all i can really say about that. i guess this was kinda a pointless post, but it helped me figure my self out a little. Peace!!!

hey guys, im still alive haha. im stayin home from school cuz i still dont feel good. ill let u guys know what the doc says i have. Peace!

hey guys, just an ^date. its really hard for me to breath. i think its alergy's. ill post when i get back to my moms. peace!

just got back from hangin out with Megan and Andrew. a little awkward cuz me and Andrew were hangin out first, then she came. the thing is, i used to go out with her, and Andrew used to hook up with her, so we dident hug like normal. we walked back down by the bonfire place, but turned back early cuz Megan was scared there were killers in the forest (dont ask). on our way back, i dared Andrew to walk back and into his house with his pants at his knees. he did. he had red xmas tree boxers on. i told him they were hot. he thinks i act gay, but he dosent know i act straight all the other times. he said he sould have worn his whitey tightys. dang that an awsome thought. after he went inside, me and Megan hung out. i took her phone and asked her boyfriend (Billy) how big he was down there. first he said he dident know. i called him out on that through her phone and he admitted it was 8'. dang i feel small haha. ok well im goen to bed now. gota go to school tommarrow. night! Peace!

5th day:
i stayed at camp all day and basicaly babysat. i was confused... do they think i couldent be helpful? or am i just good with anoying kids? eather way, i think i should be ofended haha
well we painted the side railing and 48 boards. dident know what they'd be used for (still dont). painted it all white. and yes, one of my earbuds fell in a can of paint.. FML

that night we went to this mall/outlet place. it was cool eventhough most things were closed. the icecream shop and grocery store was still open. i got 2 99 cent cokes that came in glass bottles. if you ask me, the glass bottle makes it taste so much better. then i got icecream (yay haha)

i was taking to a sophtmore from my school and he asked the senior to buy him cigs. this isent the kid who tried his first, this kid smokes alot. he told the senior to but him 72's, but the senior is dyslexic (like me) and bought him 27's haha!!! he also bought the kids who wanted to smoke his first a lighter. ok to explain, this kids a dumb ass. he starts flicking his lighter right infront of one of the teachers. Rob had to tell him to cut it out.

that night we played zombie tag again. this time i got cought 1st. it sucked having to take my shirt off for the first time infront of everyone. but the 2nd guy who got caught was also fat, so it was all good. the thing about me is i weigh alot, but i really do have muscle. you just cant see it. so while the other guy was sagging, mine was plump if that made any sence. i was just thick. i got over my shirt phobia real quick.

the nice thing about that game is i got to see my temperary Andrew (a short crush for the trip who ill call Dave) with his shirt off. he wrestles so needless to say, his body is fit as anything. the sad thing is, Dave ran into monkey bars while playing, and busted his eyebrow open. needles to say, the game stoped quick. he had blood all over himself. he went to the teacher who patched him up, and told him theyd go to the hospital tommarrow to see if he'd need stiches. i felt really bad for him.

after lights out (10:30) me, Oliver, Luke, and Cory snuck out (11). we chilled on the dock.

oh yeah, i never told you guys about our camp. it has a dock.

we talked about alot. it was cool. then at 12, we went back to our cabin. when we got there, it smelled like smoke. we walked out back and Rob was there smokin. he told us everyone else from his cabin was haveing a hot box in the buss (there were abandoned busses at the camp too). he couldent go because his parents littleraly texted him 5 minuets before telling him not to smoke, and reminding him they had at home drug tests. sucks for him haha

so we just talked about some stuff, but mainly chilled. i figured out i really love the smell of cigeret smoke, which mean i cant let myself smoke a cig because thats one thing i never want to get started with.

then Dan, the kid who wanted the lighter and to try a cig, came stumbling out of his cabin and took a piss. the thing is, his cabin has a bathroom in it. then he stumbled back to his cabin. Rob told us he tryed dip for his first time today. i knew that already because earlier i saw him packing a lip. 5 minuets after Dan's piss, he came over and talked to Rob. he told him he dident feel good. at this point, me and Luke steped in. we have done dip, and most of our friends do it. Luke told him to dump his lip and i told him to stop with the dip for a while. he dident do eather. we did tell him to drink more water, and he did do that. then Rob went in, and we went in right after. then we all fell asleep cuz no one else from our cabin was awake.

6th day:
i stayed at the camp again and babysat. this time, Fern, the senior from the g island who had a tough childhood, stayed. the teacher who was suposed to be with us took Dave to the hospital so Fern and I were in charge. Fern dident really care what we did. he knew our job was just to babysit so we loaded the 48 boards we painted the day before into a truck. then we raked for maybe 15 minuets, then Fern ws just like, do what ever you guys want. Dan, who was with us, went off. we were suposed to stay in one area where me and Fern could see everyone. he dident. we had to chase him down. he was trying to smoke smarties... that dumb ass. then me and Fern talked about the hot box he was in last night. he said it was awsome.

the teacher got back with Dave. he got 3 stiches. the rest of the day, we really just chilled. we were suposed to paint the rest of the railing green, but we only put 1 coat on, then we jsut left. our teacher dident really care.

before dinner, but after everyone got back from there work sites, i was hanging out with Dave and this kid Tom in the buss that they had the hot box in. it dident smell at all. i was really suprised. they dident know anything about drugs. they thought crack and coke were the same thing. i explained everything to them. now Tom really thinks im a druggy. i dont really care about him though. and Dave knows i dont do anything besides pot, so its all good.

that night it rained, so me, Dave, Luke, Oliver, and Rob hung out behind our cabin again. Rob went there because his cabin dosent have a back poarch like ours does. it was really the only dry place he could find. we just chilled. i took in as much 2nd hand smoke as i could. for some reason, i really like it.

then Oliver noticed one of the teachers walking by the front of our cabin. Rob is 17, and cant smoke especialy sence it a catholic thing. so we all darted inside our cabin, and told Rob to just come and wait till she left. he did. we all got in out sleeping bags so we dident look weird, and Rob layed right next to mine so even if the teacher came in, she wouldent see him. then after 5 minuets, he went back to his cabin.

7th day:
packed up. left for a 10 hour ride home. a kid we called BL sat next to me. he's a fucking creep. i hate him. hes the kid who said id like public school cuz of weed infront of my teacher. didnt talk to him at all. he fell asleep on me. i was pissed so i just shruged my shoulders up and down till he woke up. finaly he did. then they put on movies like Willy Wonka (the new one) but i was listening to my ipod the whole time. at the only pit stop, Rob and another senior (who was 18) went off and smoked. the teacher cought them. even though the other kid was 18, he still wasent alowed to even have cigs on the trip. so the teacher talked to them, and had to talk to their parents when we got back. that was really all that happened. oh yeah, it took DQ 25 fuckin minuets to get me 4 strips of chicken and fries...

ok, that all. ill try and find some picks later and upload them. Peace!!!

ok, so ill finish my trip tommarow.

today i went with Sara to a local coffee shop. it was cool. an old friend of both of ours works there. it was just awkward though cuz we hadent talked in 2 years. then we exchanged stories of our night. she went to a party with Patrick and a few of our other friends while i was at the bonfire. apparentaly she did stuff with Patrick. not gona say what for her privicy. then we went back to her house and hung outside, chilled, and played basketball. it was cool. i almost told her i was bi. idk if i am though. i deffinatly like guys, and dont like a whole lot of girls, but i wana marry a girl and have kids. idk... maybe i will tell her tonight.

btw, on the side im putting a list of my friends. its hard for me to keep track because the names i give them are not there real names, so it'll be like a referance chart for me haha

Peace!!!

PS just cought up on all your comments from my "tweets" while i was on the trip. thanks for all your nice comments!!!

ok so the 3rd day was my first day of work. it was really cool. probably my favorite actoual work day. i got to the main sight where everyone was and piced up trash outside there house for an hour. then my teacher asked if i'd like to go do some electritional work at another sight with one of the senior leaders (Rob) and an electrition (Jeff). i said sure and off Bor and i went. we got to a trailer home and found out we were installing an oven, but we needed to make a new 4 prong outlet thing for it.

i learned alot that i never knew, like how wires are color coated. and i never knew the bottom prong was fpr the gound wire (or somthing like that). then we drilled a hole through the floor and started digging a ditch. he hooked some wires up on the telephone pole outside. then we hooked the wires up to an outlet thing. then caryed the new oven in and we were done. it sounds short, but it was a prety long day. i got sunburn all down my neck, and couldent stop sneezing all day because of my alergies.

that night, i explained how i have smoked pot, and all the kids wouldent stop calling me a pot head. ok, so if i smoked every day, or even everyother day, i could see while they would think that, but ive smoked all of 5 or 6 times. it was anoying, but i really dident care all that much.

then we went to sleep.

the next day, i painted at the methodist church we went to on easter. they had an outside play thing, and we had to paint an onning by it. it was just lame. there were bee's all around. and basicaly, i got paired with all the anoying kids. one of the kids, who heard i smoked pot, was talking about public school, and said there was alot of weed there. then, right infront of my teacher, say i would have liked it there because there was plenty of pot. i faked a laugh, then continued painting like it was nothing. we finished, and went back to the cabins.

that night, we had a seafood jambory. it was cool because they got another groop of school kids and a band there. food was cool. we dident really talk to the other school. there was a really cute kid there. he could have been bi or gay. his shirt made me think he was. i always fall for the small blonds =). he had a yellow shirt on that had a monkey on it and said "so fresh & so clean" it was cute.

after the party, and everyone left, we had a meating. all the senior leaders (seniors at our school, there were 5) were sayen some really personal stuff. one said that he was sorry for being pissy with us, and that it was because he wasent gettin high and drunk every night, and couldent smoke (even though he diped all week and smoked each night). and another told us about his childhood. he was born on a war stricken island, and remembers bombs going off and seeing soldiers go into his house. he started crying. it was sad.

then we played zombie tag. you play with one person "it" who trys to tag everyone else. if your taged, you take your shirt off (to determin the teams) and try to tag everyone else untill everyones a zombie. we only played one game, and they never found me. it got to late so we had to go in. then we slept haha. Peace!!!

hey guys, sorry this wont be all of what happened. i have to go get coffe with Sara soon so this will only be the first 2 days.

so the first day i woke up at 5, got ready, and headed to the bus. i was freaken out the whole way. then i got there and kinda relaxed when i saw people i knew. the ride was long, and involved alot of sleeping. there were some cool movies playen, but i had my ipod in for most of the trip. i did watch office space and zoolander for the first time. they were hilarious. then fastforward to when i get there. it was probably around 4. we had an hour to unpack and get set up. we slept in a daycare room. the whole mission campus thing was a daycare in the summer.

so we get in, and its just a room with nothing in it. we found out there were matressis in the next room. most of them were stained (dont wana know what with) but i got a clean one =). then we had burgers for dinner. then we played cops and robbers until it was lights out. that night was the only one we went to sleep fast. the next morning we went to mass. the first mass was a methodist mass. it was a cool expirence. ill be honest though, im not racist by any means, but the church was all black. we were just a randome groop with 3 black kids, and 18 white kids. it was still cool though. really awkward becuase everyone there was into singing, and i guess white people just arent in the same way.

then we went to a catholic mass because it was Easter and we go to a catholic school. that mass was just a normal easter mass. it turns out that 3 people at that mass had nephiues that go to our school. after mass they had doughnuts (yum! krispy kream). then we went back for lunch. wasent much. then we changed out of our church cloths and got ready to go to the beach.

we got there, and i sat for maybe 10 minuets. i was boared, and everyone wanted me to go into the water, so i did. like i said, i kept my shirt on (thanks to whoever sugested that) and dident have swim shorts on, so i just went in with cargo pants. after we got boared of swimming, we played taps, then soccer, then foot ball. it was a lot of fun.

then we got home and played cops and robbers again, but it wasent that fun the 2nd time because not as many people wanted to play. then we stayed up talking. oh yeah, i forgot to tell you guys the teachers gave us mini easter baskets. they were cool. i got a mad libs in mine. Tman, mad libs are little storys with blanks in them, and it'll say somthing like noun, or adjective. then u fill in the blank with a noun for example. and it always turn out funny. i forgot, you play with 2 people and oneperson just says noun, the other person says a noun, and the first person fill the blank in. it sound confussing, but its fun and kinda simple, i just suck at explaining.

then we fell asleep. ill tell you guys the rest late ;P Peace!!!

ok, hey guys! im back (yay) haha. this post is gona be about the bonfire because well:
A) i want the tension to build a little more before i tell you guys all of my trip
B)im tired/stoned and its hard for me to type

so i was invited to a bonfire for tonight at 7. i said yeah but i was gona be late. i got there at 8:30 and it was freezing without a fire. sat down and met a bunch of people. i knew maybe 5/18 kids. i walked up there with Andrew btw. 3 people were smoking black and milds (i sorta cigar). my friend offered me a hit. i said no cuz i had never done it before. then when i was walking away to my house to put sweatpants on, he cought up to me and offered again. i told him why i dident before, but then decided to try it. i took 2 hits. it was nice haha. then when we were coming back, i took another hit, and then a last when we got to the fire pit (that the fire was not yet lit in).

i met some more people, took a thing of snuss and enjoyed that for an hour. then just talked for a while. then a few people went to taco bell and picked some stuff up. it was just a really chill time for me. cool meating some new people. Andrew left early, but then another kid, Keven came. i kinda knew him. he's a junnior. he's really cute.

then i left at maybe 12:30. came home and smoked some pot. i like it alone aloth better then with other people. now im just updating you guys for now. goen to bed soon. night! Peace!!!

kick ass bonfire. ill blog later =P

"everything in this room is eatable. even i am eatable, but that is called canabalism my dear children, and is infact frowned apon in most societies" -Wonka

watchen the new charly and the chocolate factory on the bus. anyone else ever notice the main kid is really cute? he looks younger than he is too

first pit stop. dq is sloooooooooow. gona miss my buss. actoualy i wont but still

startin my trip home. 10 hours... kill me haha. jkjk it should be fun

just finished explaining all the drugs to 2 guys (including the new guy) yay?

just finished last day of work. painted/babysat again. it was really easy. btw new guy got stiches. ill tell u later

last night was cool. it involved sneeking out/weed/cigs/dip/bonding. will explain later

kinda gettin over my shirt-off fobia little by little

today was cool. stayed at camp and painted ALOT! but it wasent too bad. painted my headphones by axident haha. goen to some outlets tonite. should be fun. cya!

mood drasticaly changes. it went from party to crying

another school doen the same thing come over to our site for dinner. cute blond (guy) with shit said so fresh & so clean

hey guys, got back from 2nd day of work. all we did was paint the whole day. ill extend it all when i get back. peace!

now everyone thinks im a pot head... ill explain later haha

pss peach tea is addictive. and ill stop with the "ps's"

ps sunburn is a bitch

just got back from the first day of work. long, but good. we installed an oven for a woman. ok im goen to dinner then sleeeeeeeping. peace!

just blogged on our trips blogg. how ironic. i might not give u guys the adress for safty reasons, but ill probably copy over some stuf. goen to bed. peace!

cops and robers aka the best game ever at night

mad libs are amazing

wow beach was more fun then i thought. i did go in the water and had fun. ill tell u guys more later. oh and i have another guy =) that'll come later too.peace!

just had 2 masses today. 1 was a local methadist and the other was catholic. both equaly lame. ps i love easdropping! freshman is bout to try his first cig.cya

haha ok so i love sleeping/showering in the same room as guys. im goen to sleep now. night! peace!

these kids are fucking anoying me! btw yay for passing my 50th post mark! peace!

more important updates; 2 cute guys, and 3 really intimadating guys

just got here. smells like a kindergarden. 10 and a half hour drive. interesting start. hope it'll be fun. might update again b4 i sleep. peace!

bout to leave my dads for the bus! nerious/excited. ill update later

hey guys, this will be my last post till i get back!!! =(. i get back on friday, but probably wont post until saturday at best. ill be posting from my phone, but i cant read the comments (bummer).

so im hitting my anxiety peek! im freekin out about the trip. im realizing everything that could go wrong. geez, im so nurvious!!!
ok so things that can go wrong:

i could be boared on the long buss trip down there

that night i could snore and get everyone pissed at me

next day i could take a shower, and have people make fun of my weight when my shirts off

at the beach, same thing as the shower

i could look like a creep sitting on the beach for 3 hours and no get in the water

when building houses, i could screw the whole house up (even if they say theres no way to, i'd find the loop hole by axident)

i could hurt somone else and look like an ass

i could hurt myself and look like a klutz

anything can go wrong!!!



things that can go right:

nothing goes wrong and i have alot of fun




now do you see why im freeking out?! ahhh now i feel like i dont wana go... but i still will.

ok, i gota go pack. thanks for reading!!! and happy Easter!!!! i'll talk again when i get back!!!!! Peace!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS while im a way, ill probably blog my 50th post!!! wow!!! yay me =) ill celibrate when i get back

hey guys, sorry its been so long!!! im back today (and tomorrow) but will be making my final post until i get back on Friday (night) tomorrow. so coaching was... well interesting. so my uncle coaches my cousin who is 7. she plays girls lacrosse. sense i played lacrosse for 10 years (grant it boys) he thought i could help sense non of his assistant coaches could make it. so i said why not, and my dad was gona do it too. we went, helped out with drill, helped put Easter eggs out (an Easter themes scooping drill), and then clean up. it was a little annoying because 2 girls felt like they could talk back to me, but i dident let it ruin my night. so over all, not too bad. that was on Wed. night.

i dont remember if i told you guys about living stations on Monday. if i did, ignore this next part.

well i was talking to Sara about going back to out grade school to see the living stations the 7th and 8th grade puts on every year. i knew a couple guys who were doin it because they were in that school when i was there, and Andrew was in it too. he was an apostle. Sara invited Patrick, who came. it was a fun time. after that, we walked down the street to an ice cream place and hung out there till Patricks sister came, and my mom came. we took Sara home. haha better car ride than from that Party.

um... i might as well tell you guys about today. it was LOOOOOONG. i was at my dads because the Wed. night practice was right by his house. i woke up, and my dad was home. weird sense he is normally at work. he told me he would work late tonight to make up for it. then he made me an egg samwitch. it was good haha. then around 11 my sister took me home. that was a bad car ride. she was complaining that my dad made her take me home. he always does, so i could see why she was pissed, but she attacked me this time. she was fixing her hair before we left, so i started playing with my hair trying to make it flip in the front. she was like "why are you messing with your hair" i said because i wanted it to look better. she said "it always looks good in the morning, then you dunk it and F it up" i was like F you. she got mad.

then i got to my moms, and right when i got there, Andrew and Bobby (another neighbor) texted me and wanted me to come out and play some lacrosse. i did (for Andrew). it was ok. then Garry (3rd neighbor) came down. he had a pack of Snuss left. offered it to Andrew who turned it down. then me, and i accepted. it was vanilla flavored, which i really dident like all that much, but beggars cant be choosers. he dident offer any to Bobby because we all know he never would.

then we hung out with 3 girls from up the street, well one lived there, and the other 2 were her friends. they were pretty cool. then Garry had to leave for some trip at 2:30. Bobby left soon after. Andrew and i stayed till 3:15. then when we left, we went back to his house. his brother was home so i had to watch my mouth (im a bit of a potty mouth). we chilled on Facebook for a while, then went up into his room, layed on his bed, and watched Silent Library (MTV). haha i was gona pull something like putting my hand on his leg and being like "are you nervous" but when i was about to, he suggested we go downstairs before i worked up the courage. i wouldent have done anything, but i like to mess around with him. then his mom came home and i left. he had to go to lacrosse practice. i came home, drummed for a little, them my mom took me out. we had dinner. nothing special, just burgers. they were good though.

after that i came home and Bobby texted me. he wanted to play manhunt (which is basically just a game kinda like capture the flag for you who dont know). i said i would wait till Andrew got home then ask him. at 8:30 i saw his moms care pull up. texted nick to come down, and it was 9 by the time he did. he had to do some stuff before he could come. we knocked on his door, and his mom told us he was at his friends house.

we decided to try and get some more neighborhood kids to come out. we went to my ex's house. her dad is REALLY cool. he was like hey guys, come in. so we did. Bobby's cousin was over (there dating) and the 2 of them and she mom were just sitting at the table talking. we made small talk for like a minuet then Bobby's uncle came in to pick up his son. can you say awkward for me? we waited there for 20 minuets before they finaly stoped talking enough for me and Bobby to say we were going. my ex never did play haha. then we got enought people to play and we played like 3 games. we had 12 people all together. it was fun. then we played lacrosse till 11. so loong, but good day. ok im goen to bed soon. night! Peace!!!

yay for early Easter baskets! ill post bout this and coaching my cousin when i can. Peace!