Philosophies From A Kid

ok, so i dont know how much ill be able to post like this. im having a good time at the beach. im gettin a tan too yay haha. i dont have much to say now because of my lack of time. sorry, i got to go now, but i AM still alive =)

Peace!!!

ok, so i was up late last night thinking, and talking to Emily. she was complaining about boys until i bothered her with my troubles. i figured out last night that i can never really come out. i never want my parents to know, especial my mom, and most of my friends would never talk to me again. it would suck. she said life with 3 real friends (the 3 people outside my family that know) would be better than a life full of fake friends. i see what she's saying, but i dont want a day of my life to be spent with just 3 friends. yea, i would open the door wider to the posibility of finding a guy, but i would completly shut all of the other doors.

i also realized that the disapointment i would bring my mom is alot different then most kids. mine would never go away. most peoples are one choice, mines a lifestyle. i hope she never finds out.

Peace!

PS im goin to the beach tomorrow, so ill try and get one more post in tonight, but idk if that will happen. idk if ill be able to get on the internet at the beach, its always touchy, so ill try and do some posts from my phone if i cant get on a computer

most moms are disapointed cuz of a choice (like drunk driving or detention at school), mine is because of somthin i dident choose; my sexuality. Peace

haha hey guys, the internets up for now so ill post before its down again.

so ill start with the family trip thing. my mom, sister, and i went to a resturant that was an hour away to meet my moms side of the family, the side i HATE. the ride was fine. not too long which was nice.

we get there, walk in, and theres the 13 family members. it was so overwhelming. my sister and i stayed in the back and only talked to a few of them.

then we sat down. this was a nice resturant so i had to wear a dress shirt and stuff. (yes, that was random). i ordered some mussle pasta thing. it was realy good. it was kinda awkward though cuz there were naked women everywhere in this place, and some of my cousins are young.

after dinner, we left, and stayed at my uncles. my sister, mother, aunt, uncle, cousin, and another aunt had a long discusion. the one aunt is a lesbion, and the other aunt is married to the uncle, with the cousin as there daughter. well all i can say is i HATE my lesbian aunt even more now. she is so stong headed, and flat out disrespectful.

my sister and i think alot of the same things, and no one our ages understands us, and even some adults dont. so the lesbian just sat there and laughed at my sisters and i thoughts and oppinions. she is a BITCH!!!

anyway, we woke up on fathers day and had breakfast. it was good.

so no, i dident get a card for my mom because were celibrating her birthday when were at the beach next week. and no, i dident get my dad a card because i dident even see him on fathers day.


thats really the only thing i have to post about for now. if somthing happens ill post it. Peace!!!

hey guys, sorry my internets been down. ill post when i can. Peace!

im at a relitives house cuz of a family trip. the whole family was there. fml. but its my moms b day tomorrow. Peace!

ok, so i told my sister i like guys today.

well my dad actoualy was alot longer haha

i woke up to my sister yelling at me to tell her what time we were goin to lunch at. i woke up and told her. then i got ready for lunch. me sister and i went out to eat with my dad. it was good. i <3 cheese steak subs.

then my sister and i went shopping. we went to the dollar store first. we were walking down one isle and i told her how my mom told me she would have been disapointed if i was gay. my sister told me that it was crazy she said that, and that it wasent right, and that if i was, she'd suport me. i said really? when she said it wasent right (sarcasm), and another woman in that isle said really, thats bad. she was right haha

then we went to Old Navy and i got 2 pairs of cargo shorts and a collered shirt for $42. then my sister droped me off at home and went to work.

my internet was down, so i couldent get your advice, but i asked Emily and Celie if i should tell my sister i like guys. they said yes, with cautions like make sure she dosent tell your parents and such.

so i texted my sister. no responce. i freeked out and texted Emily.

then i texted my sister and said somthing like "sorry if that was awkward, i trust you wont tell mom or dad." she replies "um?"

i thought she was ashamed. i balled my eyes out. thank God (fake) for Emily and Celie for comforting me through that.

then i texted my sister and said "just dont tell mom or dad. thanks for the suport sis."

then she goes "tell them what?"

she never got my first text telling her i like guys... FML!!!

so i tell her, and she says she dosent care. i was so relieved!

then i went to drivers ed, and now im home.

i might hang out with Megan tonight. she wants to try a black and mild. that would be cool.

Peace!

just had my first bad expirence coming out... and it was my sister. she said she would have suported me... instead she replys with a text "um?"

My mother reveales her true colors, again, when she's drunk. she met with my dad today for lunch because there not officialy devorced yet. the judge decided on somthing that neither of them liked.

for the story, you need some background. i live (mostly) with my mom in a house. its joint custidy i think, but i see my dad every tuesday and every other weekend. he lives in an appartment 30 minuets away.

my dad offered to live in the house with me. my mom said no. she said he just wanted to get out of paying for me. well the only reason she wants me is so my dad has to pay her. dont you feel the love in this family? im told im loved daily by my parents, but it just dosent feel like it sometimes. i might smoke a black and mild tonight. idk. not the whole thing. just a quarter. that wont break my attempt.

Peace

sorry guys! i ment to post this yesterday afternoon, but people came over and other stuff. ill tell you later =)

so Peters, i got there, and we watched season 3 of Weeds, a TV show on HBO i think. he had it on netflicks though so it was fun. then his parents went to sleep. we snuck out a window, not a good idea because its hard as hell to get back in. i tought Peter to roll a j, and we smoked. his wouldent stay lit, so i chugged my soda, and he went inside to get a knife so we could make a bowl out of the can. after he came back with a pencil (idiot) i told him to go back and get a KNIFE. he did, and it worked out.

i talked him out of skinny dipping (now im the idiot) because he was just gona jump in his neighbors pool, while they were sleeping.

he told me he was gay, well that he was a "f'ing (insert bad word for gay that starts with an f)". he always says that when hes messed up though. i think he really is but idk.

so that was that night haha.

yesterday, we woke up, and his dad took up to a local concert venue to but tickets for a concert in a few months. im not gona tell you who because people could figure out where i live and that would not be good haha.

then i got droped off at my house, and these 2 kids knocked on my door (when i was in the middle of posting), so i quickly closed my window because i dont want people reading this haha, and got the door. they were looking for Garry. i had met these kids once before, but dident really know them. well i told them i dident know where he was, but id walk up tp his house with them, so we did. then the 2 kids wanted to buy weed from somone, idk who, so me and Garry left. we dident want to be around that.

we came down to my house and smoked a black and mild. Garry said this will be his last one for now, and he was only gona smoke them on occasions. i said that was cool.

then i got a text from this kid who was my ride to drivers ed saying he'd be there in 15. there goes my plan on taking a shower haha. he showed up 30 minuets earlier than my mom told me. Garry stayed at my house and watched Pawn stars. i told him he could, and to make himself at home, and to lock up when he left.

i got in the car, and went to my first drivers ed. it was actually not that bad. we have a really chill teacher who gave us a 30 minuets break and let us walk up to burger king. i dident, i stayed and just chilled for the break. then after class, she let us go 15 minuets early. it was pretty sweet haha.

that was all for last night.

i think im gona try not to smoke weed again until i go to the beach at the end of the month. i've done it too much for this month, and its starting to get old. it was never supposed to be a routine, but it almost turned into one. lets see if i can do it haha

Peace

hey im stoned, and depressed. i think im having a long depression because of larry, who i never talked to. i just realized my dreams cant be met. Peace! <3

im at Peter's. he's goen skinny dipping later. im watchin ; P haha ill post tomorrow probably. peace

yester day was... weired i'd say. i woke up, went to my drum lessons, got home, and my dad left for the pool. i dont like the pool for 2 reasons, 1)shirtless, nuf said and 2)all you can do in a pool is splash. if im gona take my shirt off, it'll be at the beach. oh, did i tell you guys that im goen to the beach at the end of the month? well i will be haha and it'll be my sister, me, my mom, her 2 friends, her 2 friends daughters (a year older than me), and another family (dad, mom, son, 2 daughters). it should be interesting. there are about 5 of us who are like the older kids. that would be my sister, me, the 2 friends daughters, and one of the daughters from the other family. geez i cant even fallow that haha sorry.
on of the friends daughters is a total hoe, it should be interesting haha.

back to yesterday haha. after my dad came back from the pool, we went to this downtown festival. i went last year and it was really cool, but this year it SUCKED!!! haha

after that, we went out for crabs haha. i LOVE crabs!!!!! it was an amazing dinner. great end to a disapointing day haha. it totaly made up for it though =P

Peace!!!

just got crabs ; P haha ill see if i can post later today, but chances are it wont be till tomorrow. Peace. (this is from my phone haha)

so some stuff has happened. not much, but some. i explained about the comment in the post before it.

um... hmm... i said stuff has happened, but i cant remember it anymore haha.

oh, i email a few guys around my age. one is from Austrailia, and the other is from Georga. the one from Austrailia has a crush on me, and i said if we ever meet in person, we could... do stuff haha. im just talking to the other guy. he's the only black gay person i've ever talked to.

nothing else has really happened. sorry to set you guys up haha.

Peace!!!

PS, im thinking about starting a new blog. maybe leave this one to all my philosophys and stuff, and focus on me and my days on the other one. what do you guys think?

dad just told me he has nothin against gay people. yay me?

hey guys, i read your comments, and i want to write back to them, i just need some time to think... i combination of your guys caring and watching this video; then reading the song this guys wrote (http://sticky-pants.blogspot.com/2010/06/ld.html), has left me in tears. i hate to cry, but i guess i just need to right now. ill try and write later, but idk if i will. we'll see. Peace! and thanks for caring =) <333

everyone check out that link!!!!

hey Tman, your probably pissed at me. i can obviously see why. look i appreciate your comments like you wouldent believe. i need to know somone out there actoualy cares about me. i never get that any where else. kinda sad im depending on the computer for "love." look, your advice is great, and it makes sence. im prossesing it fine... it just dosent fit into my life as of right now.

im a teen. this is my time to goof off and try new things. do you really want me smoking pot when im an adoult? i have slack as a teen. i guess i had slack as a kid too, but i couldent use it. idk if you know this but i was the peace maker in my house. i always had to step on egg shells around every member of my family so i dident set off the proverbial powder keg. i would have loved one night where i could feel like a kid, and not have to wory about my parents fighting. but that never happened.

now is my time to do dumb a$$ $h1T (if you got that haha). im not addicted to anything. i know you wont stop telling me to stop, but look, im not gona right now. maybe i will in a year, or maybe i wont. i will stop before college is over, and i will stop forever.

idk why but i just feel like this is a fitting song. Peace and HUGS!!

PS i know other people post too like Billy, Andy, and Mark, and i love you guys too, but i dont think i've pissed you off (yet)haha. plz keep commenting all of you guys! Peace

so today i woke up at 11 50 and got a call from Andrew a minuet later. he cam over and we hung for a little while. the we went into a secret place by out houses and smoked a cig. it was his first. well i guess he cant say he smoked a cig cuz we were sharing it but still. no most people would say im hurting him by letting him smoke but let me explain somthing... a kid named Garry, who were both friends with, got Andrew into snuss, black and milds, and dip. i dident want Andrew to be forced into it like Garry would do, so i offered it, but told him he dident have to. he wanted to. and i explained to him how its addictive because its not pipe tobacco like black and milds are, and i told him to talk to me before he smoked again because i wanted to make sure it wasent a regular thing.

well after that happened, we came back and hung out until Garry got home from school. he's not as mean i he may seem, i actoualy get along with him well. we all hung out and somhow Garry "convinced" me to try dip. i only did a pinch. i dont see what the big deal is. i barly got a buzz, and to be honest, i really dident like it. i may do it on occation, but i would never buy a tin for myself.

then they left and i just chilled until my mom came home. we went out to dinner like normal, but this time i was smiling the whole dinner. my mom couldent figure it out. i think she thinks im crazy or somthing. the truth is, i told another girl i like guys. now 3 people know!!! this girls name is Celie. known her for a while. we hadent talked in a while, but then a month ago we started talking again, and i told her. i was so happy.

thats about it. Peace!!!

ok, so i told you guys i was going to the carnival with Daniel and Emily. well i showed up a half an hour early because Emily works right across the street form the carnival, so i went and hung out with her until she got to leave. we talked. it was nice. i hadent seen her in a year. she has really changed. haha i like the new her.

after she got off of work, we walked over to the carnival and met Daniel. it wasent that awkward at first. we rode a few rides, but then we rand out of money haha so at 8 we walked down to a coffee shop where one of Emily's friends was working and just chilled. while Daniel was in the bathroom, Emily told me some stuff that i shouldent say on here, but lets just say she lost her v card =) haha i was excited for her. it was with her ex, who i think she is still in love with, but idk. Daniel came back and told me to go see what he wrote in the bathroom. btw the bathroom in this coffee shop if a chalkboard so its really cool. i walked in and was the name Emily and a penis next to it. i just laughed. then took a pic. then wrote on the wall myself, but i just wrote SKA. i walk out and see Daniel holding Emily's hand. he saw that i was back and put his hand in his pocket.

i showed Emily the pic and she got pissed. then Daniel leaves to go erase it, and Emily tells me what just happened. Daniel told her he loved her, and Emily said she dident love him.

we walked back to the carnival and it was awkward as anything. we just walked around and found a quiet place to sit and talk. Daniel wasent talking to Emily so it was a little weird. i gave them like 10 minuets to talk and just walked around. i get back and Emily texts me and said he tried to kiss her. she dident let him.

so i sit down and Daniel tries to cuddle with Emily, which she is letting him do in hopes he'll talk to her if she lets him. then he touches her boob. Emily freaked out. then Daniels parents picked him up, and i talked to Emily. she was crying. i hugged her, but i suck at comforting people.

anyway, my mom then showed up and i left. her mom came right after mine. we were texting for a while that night. she felt weird that somone touched her without asking. and she sure as hell dident want him to. she couldent stop crying, so i shared with her somthing that no one knows, not even you guys.

well i told you guys about Peter, and i think i told you how i gave him a bj, and he gave me one like a week later... well what i dident tell you is when he gave me one, i was passed out, and woke up to him sucking my dick. i told him to get off and he dident. i punched him a few times and he finally got off. yes, we had both been drinking. thats why i havent drank sense.

i though that would make her feel less alone. i dont think it actually helped though. idk...

Peace

guys, you have no idea how sorry i am for really slacking on the posts. i couldent monday-thrusday because of exams, and yesterday i really just had no motivation to. some prety big stuff has happened though.

so mon-thurs was my final exams. they went pretty well. on monday, i went to a carnival like 5 minuets away from my house. it was alot of fun. alot of people i went to middle school with were there. a little awkward at times, but fun none the less. a kid named Daniel was there. ill tell you his story. so he used to date Sara, but acording to Sara, he dumped her because she would'nt have sex with him. she's waiting until meriage. so now Daniel calls Sara a slut for going out with Patrick right after she was dumped.
i was also prety close with Daniel in 7th and 8th grade. now he goes to my rival school (another all guys catholic school in the area) and we never see each other. so it was fun gettin back in touch with him. we even rode the fairest wheel together. yes he's cute, but i know he's straight, so im just messin with him and my other friends right now with regards to that.

sorry im skipping around alot, but i need to tell you about another person, the girl i told i liked guys, Emily. she is a year older than me, but we've been friends sence 6th grade, well she was in 7th at the time but whatever. we were like brother and sister, but when i went into highschool, we lost touch, and just started talking again maybe a month ago.
when Daniel and i were in 7th grade, and Emily was in 8th, we would always hang out at resuse. well one day Daniel told Emily he liked her. it got awkward between thoes two really quick. Emily dident like Daniel like that.

incase you were wondering, yes this is relavent because tonight im hanging out with Daniel and Emily at the carnival i was talking about earlier. it's gona be so awkward because when Emily went into 9th grade, Daniel got really pissed at her for no reason, and they hadent talked in 2 years until monday. well yesterday, Daniel told Emily he though she was really hot, and Emily still doesnt like Daniel like that. so it will be a very awkward night...

now about last night. Peter and Brandon came over and spent the night. ill tell you what happened later because i gota tell you about Brandon. he's really cool, and cute by the way, but straight for sure. he's a year younger than me and goes to Peter's school. i played soccer with Brandon for a year, but that was a while ago. our moms are close though. so, sence the begining of the year, we go out to dinner, the 4 of us, and just talk and eat. by the way, i dont know if it will ever come up, but his dad died 2 years ago, so im tryen to look out for this kid. we got close, and i started talking to him about drinking. he does it ocationaly, like me and Peter. i asked if he smokes, and he said no, but he wants to try weed.

well last night, they came over. we hung out for a while and watched TV. then we talked about girls... its so awkward for me because A) i like guys alot more and B)i dont know any of these girls, they go to Peter and Brandon's school.

after that we played a James Bond game until my mom went to bed. so at 11:45 we snuck out and smoked weed. Brandon said he really liked it. no listen, i know somone will acuse me of not looking out for this kid like i said i was tryen too, but i felt it was better for him to try weed with people he's comfortable with than getting pressured into it by other friends. and i did talk to him about it, and explained that if he only wantes to take a few puffs, or even if he doesnt want to smoke at all, we dont care because we've been there too.

somthing Brandon and Peter dont know is that i perpously dident get that high because i dident know how Brandon was going to react to it. i wanted to be ok if Brandon started flipping out or somthing.

after that, we came in and listed to music, along with goofin off and laughing a LOT.

later me and Peter were gona go smoke a black and mild, and Brandon asked if he could come. we said sure, but before we left, i talked to him about it. he said he wanted to smoke some of it, and i said i'd let him. i also told him that if i find out he gets addicted to cigs, im gona beat him up. i told him not to even try thoes things because it sucks after you know you like them. so we went out, smoked some, then just sat down and watched the fire flys around the lake. idk if i told you but i have a lake behind my house. it's not on our property, but i still go down there sometimes. it was really relaxing. we even saw a shooting star. its was an awsome night.

i think thats all. we said we deffinatly have to do that again. Peace!!!

wow... i just told another friend i like guys. shes really suportive. i <3 my friends

ok, so i just finished smoking my first full cig. i liked it at first, but now im getting really hot, which i think has to do with me smoking, and i hate it. total turn off. might just toss my last cig. idk though. no prommises.

its finaly summer for me. might post tomorrow. i just dont feel to good right now. im goen to bed. night! Peace!!!

im officialy done with sophtmore year now