hey guys, just got back from retreat. i took a vow of confidenciality the first day, so ill limit what i say. we got there, ate dinner, then went to a small group and talked about stuff. i dident share too much. i told them im an athiest. there was another too. that was cool. we kinda worked together on debating.
then we slept. i got a headache so the first night was... well rough.
the next day we got up, went to a sequence of small and large groups. at about 4, we had a meeting in the chapple, and druing a prayer serimony, i senior leader got up and gave his take about being yourself. he told us hes gay. i odly felt very uncomfortable. i still dont know why. then after we had dinner, a priest from out school came and talked to us. he told us about how a few years ago, there was an obvious gay kid at my school, and he sat at lunch alone, walked to class alone, and basicaly had no friends because he was gay at an all guys school. he said he may have been the most brave guy at our school.
then he gave us a sheet of 10 questions. number 8 was "would you eat with a homosexual" refrencing that story. a few kids stood up and said it really dident matter, and they knew the senior was nice, kind, and they dident care. i started shaking. i almost stood up and came out. but i dident... i knew there were kids there who wouldent keep there vow and im not comfortable enought with my self to have everyone know. to be completly honest, im a little ashamed. please dont take affence anyone! thats not what i wanted. let me explain...
i know a few gay guys, and girls for that matter. i know there nice, and barely different from everyone else. i know there cooler than most people. i know i like them, and i know im one of them.
the thing is, most of the people in my life dont know any of that. they think all gay guys are girly, discusting, and should be hurt/killed. for that reason, im ashamed to tell them. i know alot of people would be fine with me, but the close people, wouldent...
oh well, thats whats been goin on. i probably forgot somthin or offended somone so ill have to make another post. hope you guys understand
PS i dont sighn things peace at school, and i went to my blog once last year, but i doubt they found it... idk
Peace!!!!!
And So It Goes (2014)
9 years ago
3 comments:
hey Peter... Sounds like a really interesting retreat!! I'm heartened to hear that the subject of sexuality was discussed , especially in the caring way that it was... I think that's why you nearly stood up and made your announcement, but I completely understand why you or the other gay kids there didn't, too... Yeah, that's right, the OTHER gay kids, maybe some that you don't even know, with the same thoughts going through their minds at the same time as you.
It's not easy to feel oppressed. Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. I attended a catholic junior high school during a time when they were calling anyone with a homosexual THOUGHT a sinner... Never mind that you could be literally arrested if caught engaged in a same- sex act! So, in that respect, times have changed dramatically. You are the beneficiary of that.
Someday, you will feel safer in your heart, to tell more people... Only you can pick that time. It seems like the adults around you are trying to help, so I find that extremely comforting... When the day comes, you will have classmates that are better prepared and less likely to act like fools about such a human thing... There will be some- there ALWAYS are, who don't get it, but that's life! Don't ever let them decide what's right for you.
So, no, I'm not in the least offended! I'm here to support you, and make that day possible. That's what good uncles do!! ;P luv, U.T.<3
Aw, Spys, you'd think I'd be offended because you aren't yet comfortable coming out? HA! Then I'd have to be offended at myself, too, since I'm not out except to a very well chosen few.
Coming out is more than suddenly jumping up and blurting "I'm gay!" Quite frankly, I think everyone's experience is different (check out http://bradrobertben.wordpress.com if you want a good example). But no matter how, I think a plan is better than a blurt.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. The friends I had in high school felt much the same as your friends do. So I stayed in the closet, too. Just know that we'll be here if you'd like to talk it out before you "take the plunge".
Always friends,
Peace <3
Jay
Hey,
It doesnt sound like you are ashamed. Do you not want to tell them because you think it is wrong or because its discusting. It souds like you are worried of what they will say and so, it isnt being ashamed, its being cautious.
Everyone is scared of coming out, its just because your going to change the course of your life forever and so you want that change to be for the best.
Everyone struggles, and we can all empathise with you, so just try to relax. You'll find the words one say and everything will be fine. But untill then, you;ve got all of the support you could wish for, right here x
All the best, Jack xx
Post a Comment