Philosophies From A Kid

hey guys, i read your comments, and i want to write back to them, i just need some time to think... i combination of your guys caring and watching this video; then reading the song this guys wrote (http://sticky-pants.blogspot.com/2010/06/ld.html), has left me in tears. i hate to cry, but i guess i just need to right now. ill try and write later, but idk if i will. we'll see. Peace! and thanks for caring =) <333

everyone check out that link!!!!

hey Tman, your probably pissed at me. i can obviously see why. look i appreciate your comments like you wouldent believe. i need to know somone out there actoualy cares about me. i never get that any where else. kinda sad im depending on the computer for "love." look, your advice is great, and it makes sence. im prossesing it fine... it just dosent fit into my life as of right now.

im a teen. this is my time to goof off and try new things. do you really want me smoking pot when im an adoult? i have slack as a teen. i guess i had slack as a kid too, but i couldent use it. idk if you know this but i was the peace maker in my house. i always had to step on egg shells around every member of my family so i dident set off the proverbial powder keg. i would have loved one night where i could feel like a kid, and not have to wory about my parents fighting. but that never happened.

now is my time to do dumb a$$ $h1T (if you got that haha). im not addicted to anything. i know you wont stop telling me to stop, but look, im not gona right now. maybe i will in a year, or maybe i wont. i will stop before college is over, and i will stop forever.

idk why but i just feel like this is a fitting song. Peace and HUGS!!

PS i know other people post too like Billy, Andy, and Mark, and i love you guys too, but i dont think i've pissed you off (yet)haha. plz keep commenting all of you guys! Peace

so today i woke up at 11 50 and got a call from Andrew a minuet later. he cam over and we hung for a little while. the we went into a secret place by out houses and smoked a cig. it was his first. well i guess he cant say he smoked a cig cuz we were sharing it but still. no most people would say im hurting him by letting him smoke but let me explain somthing... a kid named Garry, who were both friends with, got Andrew into snuss, black and milds, and dip. i dident want Andrew to be forced into it like Garry would do, so i offered it, but told him he dident have to. he wanted to. and i explained to him how its addictive because its not pipe tobacco like black and milds are, and i told him to talk to me before he smoked again because i wanted to make sure it wasent a regular thing.

well after that happened, we came back and hung out until Garry got home from school. he's not as mean i he may seem, i actoualy get along with him well. we all hung out and somhow Garry "convinced" me to try dip. i only did a pinch. i dont see what the big deal is. i barly got a buzz, and to be honest, i really dident like it. i may do it on occation, but i would never buy a tin for myself.

then they left and i just chilled until my mom came home. we went out to dinner like normal, but this time i was smiling the whole dinner. my mom couldent figure it out. i think she thinks im crazy or somthing. the truth is, i told another girl i like guys. now 3 people know!!! this girls name is Celie. known her for a while. we hadent talked in a while, but then a month ago we started talking again, and i told her. i was so happy.

thats about it. Peace!!!

ok, so i told you guys i was going to the carnival with Daniel and Emily. well i showed up a half an hour early because Emily works right across the street form the carnival, so i went and hung out with her until she got to leave. we talked. it was nice. i hadent seen her in a year. she has really changed. haha i like the new her.

after she got off of work, we walked over to the carnival and met Daniel. it wasent that awkward at first. we rode a few rides, but then we rand out of money haha so at 8 we walked down to a coffee shop where one of Emily's friends was working and just chilled. while Daniel was in the bathroom, Emily told me some stuff that i shouldent say on here, but lets just say she lost her v card =) haha i was excited for her. it was with her ex, who i think she is still in love with, but idk. Daniel came back and told me to go see what he wrote in the bathroom. btw the bathroom in this coffee shop if a chalkboard so its really cool. i walked in and was the name Emily and a penis next to it. i just laughed. then took a pic. then wrote on the wall myself, but i just wrote SKA. i walk out and see Daniel holding Emily's hand. he saw that i was back and put his hand in his pocket.

i showed Emily the pic and she got pissed. then Daniel leaves to go erase it, and Emily tells me what just happened. Daniel told her he loved her, and Emily said she dident love him.

we walked back to the carnival and it was awkward as anything. we just walked around and found a quiet place to sit and talk. Daniel wasent talking to Emily so it was a little weird. i gave them like 10 minuets to talk and just walked around. i get back and Emily texts me and said he tried to kiss her. she dident let him.

so i sit down and Daniel tries to cuddle with Emily, which she is letting him do in hopes he'll talk to her if she lets him. then he touches her boob. Emily freaked out. then Daniels parents picked him up, and i talked to Emily. she was crying. i hugged her, but i suck at comforting people.

anyway, my mom then showed up and i left. her mom came right after mine. we were texting for a while that night. she felt weird that somone touched her without asking. and she sure as hell dident want him to. she couldent stop crying, so i shared with her somthing that no one knows, not even you guys.

well i told you guys about Peter, and i think i told you how i gave him a bj, and he gave me one like a week later... well what i dident tell you is when he gave me one, i was passed out, and woke up to him sucking my dick. i told him to get off and he dident. i punched him a few times and he finally got off. yes, we had both been drinking. thats why i havent drank sense.

i though that would make her feel less alone. i dont think it actually helped though. idk...

Peace

guys, you have no idea how sorry i am for really slacking on the posts. i couldent monday-thrusday because of exams, and yesterday i really just had no motivation to. some prety big stuff has happened though.

so mon-thurs was my final exams. they went pretty well. on monday, i went to a carnival like 5 minuets away from my house. it was alot of fun. alot of people i went to middle school with were there. a little awkward at times, but fun none the less. a kid named Daniel was there. ill tell you his story. so he used to date Sara, but acording to Sara, he dumped her because she would'nt have sex with him. she's waiting until meriage. so now Daniel calls Sara a slut for going out with Patrick right after she was dumped.
i was also prety close with Daniel in 7th and 8th grade. now he goes to my rival school (another all guys catholic school in the area) and we never see each other. so it was fun gettin back in touch with him. we even rode the fairest wheel together. yes he's cute, but i know he's straight, so im just messin with him and my other friends right now with regards to that.

sorry im skipping around alot, but i need to tell you about another person, the girl i told i liked guys, Emily. she is a year older than me, but we've been friends sence 6th grade, well she was in 7th at the time but whatever. we were like brother and sister, but when i went into highschool, we lost touch, and just started talking again maybe a month ago.
when Daniel and i were in 7th grade, and Emily was in 8th, we would always hang out at resuse. well one day Daniel told Emily he liked her. it got awkward between thoes two really quick. Emily dident like Daniel like that.

incase you were wondering, yes this is relavent because tonight im hanging out with Daniel and Emily at the carnival i was talking about earlier. it's gona be so awkward because when Emily went into 9th grade, Daniel got really pissed at her for no reason, and they hadent talked in 2 years until monday. well yesterday, Daniel told Emily he though she was really hot, and Emily still doesnt like Daniel like that. so it will be a very awkward night...

now about last night. Peter and Brandon came over and spent the night. ill tell you what happened later because i gota tell you about Brandon. he's really cool, and cute by the way, but straight for sure. he's a year younger than me and goes to Peter's school. i played soccer with Brandon for a year, but that was a while ago. our moms are close though. so, sence the begining of the year, we go out to dinner, the 4 of us, and just talk and eat. by the way, i dont know if it will ever come up, but his dad died 2 years ago, so im tryen to look out for this kid. we got close, and i started talking to him about drinking. he does it ocationaly, like me and Peter. i asked if he smokes, and he said no, but he wants to try weed.

well last night, they came over. we hung out for a while and watched TV. then we talked about girls... its so awkward for me because A) i like guys alot more and B)i dont know any of these girls, they go to Peter and Brandon's school.

after that we played a James Bond game until my mom went to bed. so at 11:45 we snuck out and smoked weed. Brandon said he really liked it. no listen, i know somone will acuse me of not looking out for this kid like i said i was tryen too, but i felt it was better for him to try weed with people he's comfortable with than getting pressured into it by other friends. and i did talk to him about it, and explained that if he only wantes to take a few puffs, or even if he doesnt want to smoke at all, we dont care because we've been there too.

somthing Brandon and Peter dont know is that i perpously dident get that high because i dident know how Brandon was going to react to it. i wanted to be ok if Brandon started flipping out or somthing.

after that, we came in and listed to music, along with goofin off and laughing a LOT.

later me and Peter were gona go smoke a black and mild, and Brandon asked if he could come. we said sure, but before we left, i talked to him about it. he said he wanted to smoke some of it, and i said i'd let him. i also told him that if i find out he gets addicted to cigs, im gona beat him up. i told him not to even try thoes things because it sucks after you know you like them. so we went out, smoked some, then just sat down and watched the fire flys around the lake. idk if i told you but i have a lake behind my house. it's not on our property, but i still go down there sometimes. it was really relaxing. we even saw a shooting star. its was an awsome night.

i think thats all. we said we deffinatly have to do that again. Peace!!!

wow... i just told another friend i like guys. shes really suportive. i <3 my friends

ok, so i just finished smoking my first full cig. i liked it at first, but now im getting really hot, which i think has to do with me smoking, and i hate it. total turn off. might just toss my last cig. idk though. no prommises.

its finaly summer for me. might post tomorrow. i just dont feel to good right now. im goen to bed. night! Peace!!!

im officialy done with sophtmore year now